


Not Despite But Because

by yawarakaimaxx



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A/B/O, AFAB Keith, Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, M/M, Mention of Death, Mention of Disease, Mention of sickness, NSFW, Omega Keith, Omegaverse, Panic Attacks, Rut, Scenting, Smut, alpha shiro, good ending I promise, heat - Freeform, masturbation (afab), mention of hospitals, mention of pain, mention of rape, mention of shots (suppresants), mention of vomit, non consentual photography, non consentual scenting, service system, telephone service, trans keith, unvoluntary photography, unvoluntary scenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:35:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 33,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25126345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yawarakaimaxx/pseuds/yawarakaimaxx
Summary: When Keith can't deal with the panic attacks and insomnia that come with his unmated omega body anymore, he decides to sign up for the alpha service system.He's awfully shy, takes a somewhat terrible photo of himself for the registration, and fills out every form flung at him. The service is well-known and much-praised by other omegas his age that have been unmated.
Relationships: Allura/Lance (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 208





	1. The first heat

**Author's Note:**

> A big thanks to by beta [Hiro](https://twitter.com/bioplast_hero) for going through this whole monster for me!
> 
> Another thank you to [Jay](https://twitter.com/cuddlewuddlepug) for fanart and commissioned art for this fic that you can find [here](https://twitter.com/cuddlewuddlepug/status/1248331568906723337?s=20)  
> and [here](https://twitter.com/cuddlewuddlepug/status/1253819385204084738?s=20)
> 
> Mind the tags, remember it has a good ending, have fun and thank you for reading!  
> Find me on bird app [here](https://twitter.com/yawarakaiarts)

When Keith can't deal with the panic attacks and insomnia that come with his unmated omega body anymore, he decides to sign up for the alpha service system.

He's awfully shy, takes a somewhat terrible photo of himself for the registration, and fills out every form flung at him. The service is well-known and much-praised by other omegas his age that have been unmated.

Still, at 27, Keith feels embarrassed over this.

But here he is, ticking off boxes with questions to generate a custom list of alpha options he will be asked to choose from. It's... a lot of questions. But it feels professional and safe.

Unlike any alpha he’d meet in the streets.

Every alpha in his hometown is like all the others. Typical. Too many glances. Always trying to initiate unwanted touches. No one respects an omega’s boundaries. Even a handshake is unnecessary. But do any of them care?

No.

Maybe an hour and a billion ticked boxes later, Keith stares at a loading screen after which he will be shown his list of possible alphas. The site is still compiling his options, so the omega puts the phone down a second to breathe.

Keith is doing this for himself. Himself alone.

At his age, when you're unmated, the body's natural response is to be anxious and tense. Less sleep. More nightmares. Omegas tend to be sensitive and in pain when not on suppressants. Keith is embarrassed.

Even if he shouldn't be.

This alpha service? It's a caretaking service. It has a good reputation, and really it seems anyone who has used it would recommend it.

They have a clear contract and schedule. And the omegas can terminate the agreement at any given time, no questions asked.

His phone vibrates twice, letting Keith know that his list is now ready. Anxious as he is, he needs one more breathing exercise before looking.

There are maybe five or six different options. Keith quickly dismisses most of them based on their bios, scrolling back up to take another look at the 100% recommendation named Takashi.

Keith scoffs. As if a few questions could determine the perfect match— Wait.

He looks the profile over. And again. And again. Fuck. This alpha might actually fit.

Naturally, Keith hesitates anyways. It's not until a day later that he finally initiates contact, tapping Takashi's number to open a chat.

>Hi, you're from this service site, Takashi, right?

Ouch. That sounds horrible, but what else should Keith type?

Weirdly enough, the response comes quickly.

>>Good morning. Yes, that is correct! I'm pleased to meet you, Keith. If you like, you can just call me Shiro :)

Attached is a gif with a dog. It's adorable. Keith wants to be skeptical. He isn't.

>Shiro.

>So um... what exactly happens now?

Keith cringes. That's even worse, God. But he has no clue, it's his first time using a service. Don't blame him!

>>Considering your preferences, I can offer to talk to you on weekdays 8 to 12 and 3 to 9!

>>I'm seeing you'd also like calls?

Shit. That's right. Keith would really like to hear a voice that might help calm him down.

>Yeah, I uh... I deal with some bad disorder stuff and I've read it's based on my omega sex so I thought, this might help.

>>I see! A lot of people consider this type of service for the same reason.

Keith huffs. Shiro didn't use the word omega. He just said people. Maybe this was a good choice. Shiro is awfully polite. Enough to soothe Keith into conversation.

>If I had a panic attack, would it be possible to call you? For help?

Shiro..types. And types some more.

>>Absolutely. I'm trained in emotionally supporting and taking care of mental health patients. Regardless of their sex. I am available at any time if you need to call me. I can promise you, I will be able to professionally calm you down.

Keith's eyebrows shoot up at that.

It's not that he's skeptical. He's just...impressed. He vaguely knows this guy's appearance but matching with how he texts he can pretty much imagine he _could_ actually relax Keith.

>That... thank you. And texting means... literally any kind of conversation?

A few minutes pass. Keith worries. But then realizes the alpha probably has several clients. That makes him feel... less special? Which is stupid, because it _is_ a service. This is not Keith's mate, nor will he be.

>>Of course! You can tell me about anything!

Keith hums, not knowing what to say, but Shiro doesn’t stop there.

>>Tell me about your day, what you ate, your hobbies— and obviously as this contact platform is discreet, you can always tell me about your past and struggles too. Unlike friends, there's no dismissing you or neglecting the importance of the things you share with me.

>>Many times, friends and family won't understand or won’t be there. They may give false advice or simply make it worse.

Shiro continues his explanation, so Keith just sits on his bed, reading.

>>But as a trained alpha, I will listen to anything you say and validate what you’re going through.

Well, if that isn't the best thing Keith's ever read from an alpha... mark him down as a liar.

An offer to listen. To anything. Committed to Keith's needs and wishes. An _alpha_.

Were he to ask for that from any alpha in his town, they'd laugh— or rape him for his troubles, probably.

>>Sorry. That was a lot of information. How about I'll let you have some time to process this, and you contact me when needed?

Keith blinks and focuses back onto the screen.

>Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you.

>>Of course, Keith.

The omega blinks again. He turns his phone off.

* * *

At first, he doesn't know what to say. Who would want to read boring information about Keith's boring life as an omega man close to his thirties?

Shiro would. Or well, at least due to their contract he would.

Maybe Keith likes to pretend that the alpha is in it for him, not just his contract.

He sends Shiro photos of his coffee, his dog, tells him about his job at the local photo & printing shop. It pays enough, but it's not the nicest environment. Lots of alphas come by demanding too much touch when Keith prints photos or hands them out. Too much scenting when he takes their passport photos. Too many eyes on him. Too little protection. Any alpha would have probably said it's Keith's own fault working somewhere like that. Just quit. Or cry. But Shiro?

>>That absolutely sucks. Your job isn't to be visually pleasing to some knotheaded alphas. You'd think genes would spare them some brain cells but...

That actually draws a laugh from Keith.

>I know, right? Bastards. Not to shit on alphas in general, but literally any alpha customer I've dealt with was exactly like this. It's exhausting. And it only increases my anxiety, you know?

>>I really think that the government should make safe spaces for omegas. There are jobs they can do, and there are jobs they should do. And a job being in an enclosed space with alphas?

Shiro sends a gif of a siren. Keith snickers into his hand.

>Definitely agree.

A few days pass and Keith decides, the next time they text, he'll ask about Shiro. Turns out he's even more interesting than the profile let on.

>Alpha service is my main occupation, it’s what I trained for. But I also love to walk dogs on weekends.

Keith doesn't wanna assume, but...

>That sounds like you’re really busy. What does your partner do?

Keith didn't want to come right out and ask "Are you single?" Because, well, it seemed rude? And embarrassing. His phone vibrates.

>>I'm single. No partner.

Now the omega feels like an ass.

>I'm sorry.

And, wow Keith, you're so good with words! If Shiro is hurt, he doesn't show it. Professional in every way.

>>No worries at all. Gives me more time to do a good deed and help people in need.

He doesn't say _omega_.

He doesn't say _like you._

Keith smiles down at his phone.

It's four days later at 2 AM that his body wakes him with pain and too much heat and sweat. Keith is crying, shaking, and he feels his fangs cutting into his lip, his scent screaming _vulnurable_ all over his bedroom. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't. But he does.

Reluctantly, he picks up his phone and stares at the screen of his conversation with Shiro which he leaves unread when he doesn't know how to reply. And the alpha never presses for conversation. He lets Keith initiate. Keith initiates. He dials, hopeful, his scent already soothing at the mere thought.

It's soothing because he knows there's someone on the other end willing to take care of his needs. His pain. Shiro picks up after the third ring, sounding a little groggy.

"Keith," he breathes, pausing to see if the omega wants to speak first. "Is everything okay?" Shiro continues.

And then Keith breaks. He starts sobbing ugly, snotty tears, his face a grimace of pain while his heart beats so loudly that he feels and hears it. He's glad the alpha can’t see him. He's also glad that Shiro has the goddamn voice of an angel. Deep, calm, wonderful.

"Oh, Keith, it'll be alright. Did you have a bad dream?"

Keith nods, then blushes because Shiro can't see him nod. _Idiot_.

He's red with shame.

"You could say that," Keith finally manages picking at the skin of his knee self-consciously. Unmated heat anxiety. Pain. Insomnia.

He doesn't mention these. It's in the form he filled out. The alpha hums. "Do you want to talk about it? Or would you like a distraction?"

Both sounds inviting but... "Please." Keith chokes out. "Please distract me?" It's too much to talk about, and impossible through his sobs.

"Alright, Keith. I'll talk, no worries." For a hot second, the omega had feared to be called "baby." A lot of alphas claim that pet name for any vulnerable omega without permission. Shiro doesn't. "If you like, lie back down or stretch. If you can get up, maybe eat or drink something?"

It's a question. A gentle offer. Not a demand. Not an alpha voice used on Keith. He relaxes his shoulders. "I'll make tea and put you on speaker?" The omega asks weakly, his voice hopeful.

"Of course," comes Shiro’s quick reply. So, Keith slowly rises despite the pain and trembling.

While his kettle boils, Keith sits on the kitchen counter and listens to Shiro's voice. "... Then I went to my neighbour’s place to feed her dog while she’s on vacation. The dog is literally the tiniest thing ever, he looks exactly like a rat, and doesn't like me at all! So..."

Shiro hums. "Not a cuddler?"

Keith chuckles. "Not too much. Sometimes. My own dog is the same. He needs space to move around. He's always on his feet somewhere, basically teleporting around," the omega explains and pours his tea.

"I see. And what’s his name?" Shiro asks, ever so gently. Keith can't believe his own body at this point, melting to it. "Kosmo. Or at least, so far that's the only name that draws a reaction from him." Keith replies. The alpha hums again.

"Do you feel any better, Keith?" The question comes after a few more minutes. Keith blinks, stunned, then grows anxious that Shiro wants to leave to sleep. "Sorry, it's late, um—"

This is the first time that the alpha cuts him off. "Hey, no, that's not why I asked. I asked because I care about your well being. I want to make sure that this is actually helping. I don't want you to suffer."

_Oh_

"I feel better, Shiro. Thank you." Keith responds and slurps his tea audibly, the burn down his throat giving him back some humanity.

"I'm glad to hear that. Is there anything else I could do for you?" The alpha asks like he's offering, not expecting. "No, I mean..I feel okay now, but I would..um- no, it's late, I'll be fine-" Keith stutters dumbly. "If you would like to talk, Keith, I'm happy to do so."

And talking they do. Until four, at least. By the time Keith is back in his bed, listening and responding to Shiro until sleep finally finds the omega. He doesn't hear Shiro say "Sleep well tonight, Keith."

* * *

After this event, talking to Shiro becomes a natural thing. Not just by text, but a couple of calls each week, too. Usually he calls when Keith feels like he will sleep badly, and then Shiro just talks or reads to him. He still has bad dreams, but he handles his general situation better and better.

The origin of his handicaps is based on his genetics, which is common and widely-accepted. Unmated omegas of all genders, when they reach a certain age, start releasing chemicals in their body. If their body is unmated, the brain registers them falsely as illness.

Keith, obviously, isn't sick. Just unlucky in love. Many are. But the older he gets, the less fertile the omega body becomes, and the false reactions become more severe, making the whole body fight. It starts with pain in his lower body. Many develop unnatural sweating, leading to anxiety, eating disorders, depression, and insomnia. There's no cure for it, at least none that works, other than being mated. The bond doesn't need to be sexual, but distance will still slowly beat an omega down.

Hence the alpha service system. Voluntary alphas that offer themselves to support omegas. A lot of them are younger than the omegas in need. Shiro is, too, at twenty-five. Keith doesn't care at all. He wakes up to Shiro's texts from last night and exhales. So far there have been three times in two weeks that he’s called the alpha at night.

Two weeks that he's known Shiro. It gets easier to talk, but also harder. More and more, Keith feels the urge to open up and share about himself, which in return has him very flustered.

>Good morning. I'm leaving for work soon, what are your plans?

Keith is getting used to the lightning fast replies.

>>I have a physical meet up today with a client, this is an automated message. I will be able to reply after 5PM. Please contact A.S.S. for assistance when in need. Have a great day!

Keith... is angry. Without having any right to be. What did he expect, exactly? He's not the only omega Shiro works with.

But the two weeks had been easier having someone around who actually seemed to care. Sure, he's got friends. Allura, for example. She works the shift after him. And Romelle, the barista who always doodles wolves and ninjas on his cup in funny outfits. "The Blade," she ominously calls them.

But it isn't the same. Allura is a mated alpha. Romelle is a mated omega. And Keith is longing for something he can trust. Not like the alphas he has to endure. Like right now. When they enter the printing shop, the larger of the two is grinning with his two rows of fangs.

It's ugly and crooked. Offensive. Unwanted. Keith nods politely. "One second, I will be with you asap," he offers and then waits for the printer to finish up the gloss layer of some fanart prints he makes for some artist kid who calls themself Pidge.

The four alphas cackle and snarl, speaking in a foreign language. It sets Keith's alarms off. This isn't good at all. He's got a single shift today because it's Saturday.

"What can I do for you?"

"We would like a few nice photos of your cute little ass," the ugliest of them says.

Keith's heart goes _thump thump thump._

The alphas laugh. They touch the desk. Touch as much of everything as they can, spreading their scent. The raven-haired purses his lips and endures their harassment. "No, for real though... We want photos. By you. Of our knots." More barking laughter.

Keith wants a panic button. He barely breathes. He doesn't talk. _Oh god, don't cry, you're older than these kids._ But they're taller. Four of them. And there's no one in reach. The group of alphas finally get their shit together and their _hilarious_ jokes out of their systems and have their passport photos taken.

The second the shop door falls closed and they stagger off, Keith folds in on himself, hugging his knees. His body is betraying him, aching for alpha scent, while his brain registers the scent as heady and dangerous and territorial and— he's sobbing and shaking before he realizes it.

It's bad, so bad. His body hurts and Keith is tugging his hair, audibly crying into his legs while he tries and fails to calm down.

His anxiety makes him feel all this ten times worse. There's no fucking air in this room, just alpha pheromones and FUCK. Keith runs. Runs to the back door. Ignores anything else. Just runs and sits on the steps, trembling and holding himself. He wants— needs— to be held.

He needs an alpha to hold him and scent him with warmth and safety and trust, but all he gets is the mild stink of nearby trash cans and cars rushing by. Keith feels like dying.

* * *

Later that day, when he knows Shiro is supposed to be back and available, Keith can't make himself text him. It's just baggage. Just pathetic shit no one wants to hear. Shiro has other omegas to care for. Keith feels unimportant.

But he's also sad. And angry. And needy. He calls Shiro, reluctantly. Shiro picks up after the third ring.

"Keith, hey! Hope you've had an okay day!" His voice makes anger melt from Keith. He's still upset, but he feels better. He forgets to respond.

"Keith?"

"Sorry! Um—" The omega doesn't know what to say now. He feels himself blushing.

"Are you alright, Keith? Did anything happen?" And that's it, Keith's heart opens up involuntarily and he sniffles.

"Actually, yeah. Can I talk about it?" He croaks, and Shiro sounds concerned when he replies. "Oh, of course, Keith. Please do. Your pace, I have time for you. Don't force anything." Keith smiles and blinks tears away.

"Um... uh, I kind of... had this situation? At work—" There's an ugly sob. "And there was this group of alphas saying some rude sexual shit."

He pauses there, but Shiro doesn't interrupt. Patiently waits. "And uh... I panicked. And the whole shop reeked of them. So I broke down and—" Keith exhales and stares at the ceiling so he won't cry. "And I felt so fucking shitty. I couldn't defend myself because- because—" Fuck.

"Because they could have taken that as an invitation to act out." Shiro states. Keith nods. And realizes again, Shiro can't see him nodding, and it's all too much so he cries again, wailing. Shiro waits politely for a chance to speak. "I am so incredibly sorry, Keith," he murmurs. He’s the only alpha whose word Keith would trust. "You shouldn't have to put up with that. Just because you have an unbonded scent is not an invitation to harrass you. Gods, I'm sorry Keith. If I was with you, I could make you some tea and bring you a heating pad."

Woah. Shiro really is professional. He knows about the lower body pain that heat helps to soothe. And remembers Keith drinking tea in these situations. It makes him feel cared for.

"That would be nice." Keith finally speaks, even if it's more of a groan. He's all snotty now.

"Hey. Don't think about those knotheads anymore. You're home now and safe. No one will hurt you." And Keith swears he smells calm alpha scent— or maybe he’s just starting to dissociate. It’s hard to be sure.. Maybe it's just the influence Shiro has on him. "Yeah. Safe. Thank you."

Shiro isn't done though. "I'm right here. I can stay up with you tonight, if it helps. Don't want you to have bad dreams."

Keith sounds way too hopeful. "Really? You'd do that?"

He expects an _It's my job._

but that’s not what he hears. "I care about you, Keith. You're not alone," Shiro says it like he means it.

It's the nicest thing any alpha has said to him in years. It's easier like this too, just talking. Even if it makes Keith crave Shiro to physically take care of him. He isn't there, though, not yet. He wonders if he ever will be, with how he is. With his past.

"Is there anything in particular I can do for you? You don't need to talk if you can't, Keith," Shiro says after a pause. Keith finally gets up to put Shiro on speaker and gather his too large dog in his lap. Poor Kosmo barks nervously, awake now, and nuzzles Keith protectively.

Keith doesn't talk, just rocks his large pupper in his lap, and Shiro doesn't ask. He never does. "You know, there's a lot of shooting stars here currently. I don't know if you can see them from your window, but they're coming down like rain here." Shiro says slowly.

Keith does turn to check, but the lights of the city blur the night sky. "No, no stars at all." He wishes there were, so he could wish that all this would find an end and stop torturing Keith.

"That's a bummer. It's really beautiful. I think you'd like it," the alpha continues.

This continues for a few hours. Shiro just talks, filling Keith's empty, dark room with magic and warmth and his pretty laugh. Never expecting Keith to answer. It's so nice and familiar, that Keith soothes and relaxes his body quickly. He feels like dissolving into stardust.

When 1 AM nears, the omega feels sleepiness catching on.

"Shiro?" He whispers softly, scared to break the calm spell the alpha has put on him.

"Yeah, Keith?" Shiro asks just as gently.

"Thank you for talking to me. I feel much better and ready for bed," he admits.

"It's my pleasure." Shiro chuckles. But Keith is already sleeping before he hears.

* * *

In the morning, Keith doesn't wake in a sweat, nor with a start. He blinks his eyes open, relaxed. Takes his time, making coffee, sitting before Kosmo demands breakfast with a bark and a few sighs. Keith hates the sighs. Kosmo sounds like a depressed old man. Okay, he sounds a bit like himself.

Then he wonders, is he really that old? A fertile omega has their mating peak between the age of sixteen to twenty-four. Keith is just 27. But that's probably not why he feels like this. It's the being unmated and unbonded. He scoffs into his mug. There are reasons he's not bonded.

* * *

Keith finds himself thinking that Shiro maybe enjoys hearing himself talk three weeks into their, well, relationship? Whatever. It's another late night with a bad sleep and Shiro talking him through it, another night that Keith is longing despite it feeling weird.

"... So they made a toaster with enough space for ten toasts. Though, honestly, Matt didn't really know at what temperature toasts bread and uh-" Shiro giggles in an unfairly cute way.

"It blew up?" Keith helps. More laughing.

"Yes, it blew up and the sprinklers went off in the house."

That makes Keith chuckle. "Sounds wild. I hope they're okay."

Shiro stills his laughing. "Oh yeah, he got into trouble, but in the end made the toaster work. His sibling doesn't trust the toaster though." Keith rolls onto his back, phone next to him on a second pillow.

An idea hits him. But he feels like it's inappropriate.

"You're alright still, Keith?" The alpha’s voice makes him pudding, so Keith asks anyway.

"Is it um... okay if we video chat? Not right now but..."

"Eventually?" Shiro finishes for him and Keith, dumb like he is, nods.

* * *

It's four weeks now, and he is texting Shiro about as often as possible. Calls at night, or just when he’s panicking. They spend a lot of time just talking. Keith could look up his photo again, because he barely remembers his appearance, but... no, there's really no reason.

He's just nervous. Shy. Anxious? Whatever it is, it's stupid. Shiro agreed to video chat, as soon as Keith feels ready. So why does the omega feel weird now? They've talked so much.

He can be mad about it later. Currently he's at the pharmacy to pick up his suppressants refill. "Kogane... Kogane... huh. Not on my list."

"Excuse me?" The omega's heart drops immediately.

"You weren't at your check up last week. Your meds are held back."

"What?"

That's not just his heat suppressants. This is anxiety medication, insomnia medication and his pill for when he panics too extremely. He is depending on this refill for his life. His heart is leaping out of his chest.

"No check in, no refill, sorry, darling," the alpha shrugs.

Keith shudders at the nickname, uncomfortable, unsafe. The alpha touches his wrist. "Just sign this thing here and then you can get a check up next Monday, then your refill." Keith wants to vomit into his face. He does sign though, despite his whole body trembling. Off meds.

* * *

This day when Keith goes home, he fears the worst. He fears a heat hitting him. He fears internal pain. He fears his scent will change enough so that any second an alpha will break into his house and abuse him. It's bad, and with every step, the fear gets worse.

At a certain point, the omega feels like suffocating. Breathless. Like he should sit down and take it easy before he tips over and faints. But Keith can't just stop. There are people all over, and maybe it's the anxiety but they all smell so strongly that it's overwhelming.

It feels like he's seeing noises and hearing colors, a nightmare blend in the daylight, and his heart thumps and thumps and— "Woah there!" A hand grips his neck— not his jacket, his actual neck, and yanks him back. Keith watches in a daze as the car that almost hit him passes.

The alpha behind him still has her hand on his neck. "You suicidal or what? Don't run when the light is red, psycho." She smells like cheap perfume and trash. Keith has only so much self control before baring his omega fangs.

"You don't have anyone looking out for you, omega?" the woman asks, and it pisses Keith off further, which mixes bad blood in his head. He needs to run.

"Hello? I'm speaking to you, honey." Her hand moves to Keith's shoulder. The omega almost snaps at her with his teeth before storming off, every step so fucking slow and heavy.

But he runs, Keith runs for his life because what if she got a whiff of him or tries to locate him or what if- what if—

He makes it home. He's home, in his apartment, but he feels restless and unsafe, so he sits for barely a minute and stands. That basically wipes him out.

Keith falls, vision going white and fuzzy too fast, and when his knees hit the floor he folds in on himself, wailing as he hugs his knees. It's also now that his pain hits. It's now that he needs his pills. But there's just one dose left, and he needs it for work tomorrow.

So, he does what he should do, what he knows he should do without always feeling like a burden, because he isn't. He takes his phone from his pocket. Keith never took his shoes off, he notices. Then he hits the call button in Shiro's chat. The alpha picks up after the 3rd ring.

"Keith. Hey, how're you?" Shiro starts casually, and the omega barely opens his mouth before his omega side get the better of him. He lets out a loud trill that signals he's in need of his alpha, and it's so embarrassing because Shiro basically doesn't even know Keith.

"Fuck!" Keith yelps, and then he starts sobbing, ashamed and angry with himself. "I didn't mean to- I'm sorry, I—"

Shiro rustles, then inhales. "Please don't apologise. It's literally what I'm here for." Keith nods and hiccups, tears staining the glass of his phone.

"I um... can we maybe do the uh... " Keith tries and sniffles, rubbing his face with the puffy sleeves of his hoodie. "Can we do the video call right now? If you don't mind."

"I don't mind, Keith."

Keith exhales shakily. "Give me a moment, please. I'll... I'll just grab some tissues and go find Kosmo." His voice is tiny and scared.

"Of course, Keith, take your time." But he doesn't want to take his time. He wants to see his- to see the alpha. And feel safe.

Keith wants to relax and have all this pain taken away from him and dial down his anxiety so low that he can pretend he doesn't have it, and he needs Shiro to have a hope for any of that. With Kosmo in his lap and some tissues close, the omega wipes his face one more time before initiating the video option.

A screen opens on his phone, and so Keith tips it horizontal to fully look at the alpha. Shiro is unfairly pretty. Silver hair among warm, grey eyes. A dimple, and a strong jawline. Filed fangs, no dropped jaw to intimidate. Just how Shiro talks. Like the safe place Keith knows.

He's gorgeous and he makes Keith feel better with just a smile, so why does he start crying again? God, he's hopeless and dumb, and so lonely.

"Oh, Keith, you don't need to talk about what happened, but I would really love to help. Do you think you could?"

Keith considers it. And why shouldn't he? Shiro won't abuse his trust or laugh or tell him to square up. This alpha is on his side.

"I forgot to show up at check up last week, so now they're holding my meds until my rescheduled appointment."

A pause. "How much have you left?" Shiro asks cautiously.

"One dose. For work tomorrow."

"Fuck."

Yeah, fuck indeed. Keith's fucked without the suppressants. It already is driving him nuts with how hard his lower body hurts and how much he sweats and his ragged breathing— he wants to die.

"I can't... I can't go to work. What if- what if it's not enough, or I panic, or- I don't know. I just... I need the job," Keith sobs and hides his face. He wants so much for Shiro to hold his face, to have an alpha scent him into calmness. But it scares him too much too really imagine it. It has always scared him.

"I'm so sorry, Keith. Is there anything at all I could do for you?" The alpha asks, softly as ever. And maybe, just maybe Keith could just... talk.

"Can I... talk about something? Is that okay?"

"Of course, it always is," Shiro replies, his smile blinding.

Keith shuffles around, wipes his snotty nose and then puts one arm on the headrest of his couch, gazing at the alpha for a while too long, thinking _this man's smile could end wars._ And, well, Shiro is ending the war inside his anxious brain, for now.

"I've been taking suppressants for a very long time, from young age, because my mother has a chronic disease that makes her scent extremely strong. Anyone could smell a change so fast, and many took advantage of it." Keith begins to lay out the grim details. "I inherited it." Shiro hums, confirming he's still listening.

"So, once I turned nine and my sex was clear, my mother took me to see the doctor and I've been taking them ever since." There's a pause and Shiro doesn't interrupt, just listens. Keith's shoulders relax a little. His voice steadies.

"When I was about the age of when a first heat should hit, when your body is in its most fertile phase, my doctor had to basically drug me for those years so I wouldn't disassociate or have a panic bad enough I'd hurt myself." Keith blinks away tears again, hand ruffling Kosmo's fur.

"I couldn't mate during that time. Until I was, like, twenty four. My body would have literally made me cramp up, and I could have— you get the point," Keith exhales. Shiro waits, smiling encouragingly but not pushy.

And what else is there to lose? He's knee deep in now. And Shiro really, really does seem to care, so the omega goes on.

"So, an omega that can't mate at all during his most fertile season. No one wants that. No alpha would date me romantically if I'd tell them I can't have sex with them. I tried, but they always got so touchy, and tried to get into my pants and then they- they—"

Keith swears softly and rubs his red face. "They'd yell at me or push me or try to use their alpha voice on me to make me obey. I was scared and I didn't know what to do so I stopped trying." He speaks a little fast now, embarrassed. "Now I'm 27 and alone and so stupid."

Shiro grimaces then, finally. "Keith you're not stupid for protecting yourself. You're touch sensitive. Your body could have failed you, you could have been dead. Keith Kogane could have been a name I'd never hear. It's as you said, a disease."

"My mother overcame it. She had me at twenty nine," Keith scoffs, still mad at himself. "She got her shit together and mated. She had a kid, and never fell into old-aged omega pain. She's better than I'll ever—"

“No,” for the first time in four weeks, Shiro raises his voice even if his face is still gentle on the phone screen. "Don't say that. You're none of that."

Keith blinks, tired. Waits for Shiro to talk, so he does. "You've gone through hell by yourself with your body, a pain no alpha can imagine, that instead additionally made it worse and worse. You faced abuse and pain and harassment. You're so strong, Keith." Shiro says steadily.

And Keith almost believes his word.

"You're handicapped, unfairly so, you're unmated and taking care of yourself to the best of your ability. God, you work at a job that's high risk, you've literally just gotten told you won't get your meds. Of course you're anxious and upset. But you're not weak. You're human."

Keith sobs into his arm.

Shiro tries to smile encouragingly and maybe it works.

"You're so strong Keith. You signed up for the A.S.S. and have an alpha care for you. Taking a step towards personal healing is always a step up the stairs, not down," the alpha continues.

And maybe, maybe Keith believes it a little bit. Because it's Shiro and he trusts him. He makes him feel better.

Shiro isn't done, though.

"Before the alpha service system I worked in a mental hospital for omegas that have been through hell like you, but couldn't deal with it. Or, deal with it worse than you have managed to. Bad coping mechanisms," he explains. Keith listens, focused.

"I've been there two years. Two years of watching people wander around like ghosts, like zombies. All of them waiting for the next one to lose their last bit of sanity. It was horrible. I saw omegas die from the emotional damage," Shiro says, his voice breaking a little, too.

Keith stares at him through the screen, scanning his face. He doesn't find an alpha that wants Keith for anything. He sees a human that cares for him.

Shiro _cares_ for Keith. And it makes his heart do loops.

When Shiro finishes this, Keith notices his breath has gone back to normal and his pain has soothed. Kosmo has relaxed in his arms too, sighing softly.

He feels... better. Of course he still dreads tomorrow and the day after but... Shiro's with him.

"I've seen people suffer, Keith. I see you suffering. But you're so, so strong. You're normal, too. There's nothing wrong with being unmated and not initiating. It's okay to be scared, it's very, very valid." Shiro hums and god, Keith wants him to touch his raven hair.

"I just want it to stop. I hate feeling like this. Unsafe. Handicapped," Keith murmurs, eyes gazing around his living room.

"I can only imagine. But still, A.S.S. is a first step to healing yourself and learning. You'll get through this the way you need for yourself. And for as long as you want to have me, I'll support you everyday," the alpha smiles.

Keith feels weak. Not because of his situation. Just weak for Shiro.

"Thank you, Shiro." He almost purrs. It’s a near thing. "I think I will be okay now."

Shiro nods, still smiling wide. "Okay, Keith. I'm glad I could help. Please don't ever hesitate to seek out my time, I'll be here."

"I'll try," the omega sighs.

"That's all I ask." Shiro finishes their call.

Later that night, Keith realizes again that he had trilled for an alpha when calling Shiro.

It's so embarrassing and wrong, he hopes Shiro forgives him. It's not like Keith was doing it on purpose! He just... longed for Shiro because of how close the two have gotten.

He wonders if it was wrong. Then wonders if other omegas have done it before. Then wonders what Shiro does when he physically meets his clients.

It makes Keith ache and the jealousy hurts so bad, he groans. Stupid fucking medication. He can't sleep at all that night.

And in the morning, when Kosmo steps on his right pec with his full weight to get attention, he feels like he died overnight.

Kosmo, wagging his tail, apparently still demands to be fed by the undead, so the omega gets to his feet and—

Falls back into bed. Fuck.

His body is off the medication he depends on for the very first time. And even if Keith is out of his fertile season, for years now, his heat hit just now.

And the pain makes him cry out so loud that Kosmo wails with him, licking Keith's bare knees when he doubles over.

It's so bad that Keith has to sprint to the toilet and throw up from the pain, crying and shaking by the time he's done. He looks terrible in the mirror. He still looks terrible when he takes the last dose of all his medication.

His heat doesn't stop.

Instead, it gradually becomes worse and worse, to the point that he feels like he needs to call his work and insist that he stay home.

But he can't do that. He needs the job. Even like this, he's got to go, so he does. He doesn't feel strong like Shiro had said. Keith feels miserable.

* * *

At work, Keith feels like he's finally getting some mercy. There are no customers for a long while, and he can get some cleaning and printing commissions done. He also texts Shiro a few times to tell him he's alright. Shiro responds, sounding glad.

It's weird now, texting him, having an actual image in his brain. The omega can't get his smile out of his mind. It's so welcoming, safe and gentle. Keith wants to see it again.

It's also still embarrassing that he had made that noise, but Shiro never seemed upset by it, or at least he never let on.

The pain increases when the suppressants wear off by afternoon, and the omega notices how bad his heat scent is spreading. It feels pathetic and weak.

Maybe someone Keith's age should have his scent under control like society expects him to, but he’s not really to blame.

No medication. He can't stop thinking about it. It's today, then the weekend, and then hopefully Monday with his check-up he’ll be granted a refill. He can do this, can’t he?

On Sunday morning, the omega hits his worst. His pain makes him moan, makes Keith trill for Shiro involuntarily.

He retches a lot. He also cries so much, and brushes his fangs about a million times. He's too delusional to call Shiro today.

Keith’s whole body is eating him from the inside, his heart beating too fast, his body continuously giving him rushes of adrenaline to check if he's still alive. Keith is sweating an awful amount. It's so bad, so fucking bad, and there's nothing that helps.

No painkiller helps with this kind of pain— Keith laughs at himself for trying it— and not even the heating pad makes a difference. But he did burn his belly on the damn thing from trying. Now he's in bed, moaning and moving around, pressing a hand on his stomach and ribs and legs and everywhere that hurts. He can't focus on anything.

But there's a silver lining in it all. Tomorrow, tomorrow he'll get his refill.

~ * ~

"Kogane?" The nurse asks, and reluctantly Keith stands, finally ready to be checked out before he can get his medication.

He walks over and forces a smile. She doesn't smile back.

"I'm sorry, your check up appointment was postponed."

Keith's world crumbles to the ground.

It's Monday evening in the shop, and his pain is so bad that he's sitting under the photo counter wailing, holding his belly while he gags every now and then.

If there any customers had stopped by in the meantime, his acrid scent had probably sent them right back out.

He couldn’t give less of a fuck.

Four days. Four days without his medication and Keith hears quiet little voices that tell him about all the bad things that could happen to him now.

He really, really can't take this anymore. So the omega asks, pleads Allura to come an hour earlier. Keith's lucky. She agrees.

"Thank- unghh—" he tries to speak when he smells her familiar juniberry scent. The alpha rounds the counter and kneels. "Damn it, Keith, how many times did I tell you to let me take your shift when you need me to?"

"I-I know but—" Keith whimpers. She doesn't mean to, but she's scaring him. It's her intense glare, the way she's cornering Keith under the counter and also scolding him. He's going to faint any moment now, he's convinced.

"No buts. I told you, I won't tell Boss about it, I care about you. Now please, please get home safely and stay home."

She doesn't need to point it out, but Keith is convinced that he probably looks like a heat-sick psychopath. And smells like one, too.

If his walk home some days ago was bad, this one is hell.

Damn the fact that he has no money for a car. Or a license. Or the fact that omegas in heat aren't even allowed to drive.

It's dark, so dark and his nose is so sensitive that he can smell alphas around him for at least four miles. His heart beats fast enough to kill him, Keith's sure of it.

He hugs himself, exhales. The omega feels like he should run. So he does, and it hurts even worse because every step echoes.

But if it gets him home fast? At least that's something.

When Keith slams his apartment door closed, he slides down against it and keens. Kosmo is quick to assault him with licks and whimpers and hugs. It doesn't mild his pain.

Shiro does. And Shiro picks up after the third ring when Keith weakly grabs for his phone.

"Good evening, Keith! I'm glad to hear from you. Did the weekend go okay? Are the meds helping?"

Keith curses himself. But this time, when he trills softly, he lets himself.

He needs this alpha. His comfort and steadying. "They... they declined my check-up. I'm still off meds."

There's shuffling and clinking noises, then Shiro curses. That's... new. "Sorry. Dropped something. Jesus, I- I don't even know what to say. They can't just do that to you, can they?" Oh, they can. To any omega. Suppressants are expensive and health care doesn't give a shit.

"They can do whatever they like, actually,” Keith mutters. “I went to work, too, but I couldn't take it, so someone took my shift early—"

The memory of Allura makes pain flash in his brain. Which makes him flinch. He shouldn't be scared or offended by his friend. But alphas, they trigger him.

Especially in Keith's situation. It's horrible. They're pushy, even when helping. Always dominating, in conversation, posture, mental health. Baring their teeth here, touching you there. "I'm sick of this." Keith offers. Shiro makes a confused noise.

"I'm sick of my body being like this. Hurting me because- because I couldn't mate. _Punishing_ me for my disease," the omega elaborates.

"I'm sick of alphas trying to take advantage. I'm sick of everyone."

"Oh, Keith, I—"

Maybe it's just his rage. He should calm down.

"I'm sick of you, too. You're also just an alpha. You- you probably just pretend! You don't care at all, do you? It's just your fucking job!"

He explodes, because this is the first time ever that Keith can rant about how this makes him feel. Even if it's unfair.

"Keith! Keith, listen please—" The alpha tries, but Keith sees red.

"No. Goodbye, Shiro."

He hangs up, and then turns his phone off, but that doesn't satisfy him either, so he throws the phone across the room. It lands and cracks, and Keith screams, making Kosmo flee to his bed.

“What? What!" He yells after his poor dog, and when he realizes the damage he's done, Keith's whole body jerks with his heavy sobs that erupt from his chest painfully.

* * *

Three days pass, and Keith's new appointment is tomorrow. He had been too scared to seek out contact with Shiro again, too scared of rejection. Keith had no right to do what he did.

He also has no right to trill for Shiro. He's not his mate. They're not even mutuals. It's an alpha service system. So Keith doesn't contact him anymore. It's probably better like this, anyways.

What he does instead, like the maniac he is, is let his anxiety control him and make him show up for work despite absolutely every other brain cell screaming at him not to do so.

But does the omega ever listen to his body's needs?

Yeah, exactly. So, here Keith is, fumbling with the printer to swap the black ink at the last ten minutes of work— picking up their scent before he hears the front door bell.

He blinks, and panic rises so fast it whips him.

"I'm sorry, we're closing soon," Keith notifies the four alphas weakly.

They approach anyway.

"That's good," the tallest one grins, all three rows of fangs on display, his scent screaming rut. Keith knows, he knows this is it. There's no getting out now.

"What... what do you want? Money? Just... take it, please," Keith stutters and steps back. The four of them corner him like prey, laughing.

"Please, take the money!" one imitates, cracking up.

"Say your prayers, omega, and grab a camera that's easy to use."

Slowly, Keith yields. What else can he do? Try to fight his way out? Yeah, right.

His body aches so badly.

"Go on, move to the dark room and take off your clothes," one instructs and Keith starts crying. "Please don't do this," he pleads, but they ignore him, start shoving his smaller body to steer him.

A couple of dreadful minutes later, Keith stands on the photography mat, naked and cold.

The one with curly hair steps forward and grabs Keith's neck.

"Tell us how the camera works and then just listen to what we say. No harm done, babe." Keith shudders, his face snotty and red.

"Y-you look through here, press the button once a-and hold for the fo-focus."

Once they seem to have understood, time passes as if Keith watches this from afar. All he registers is the flash of a nine-thousand-dollar camera in the hands of alphas stinking of rut.

Four alphas instructing him to take various poses for them to shoot.

Honestly, he doesn't know if he should thank them for not raping him, or if he should just give up. He's humiliated enough, isn't he?

Apparently, he isn't.

"Go, scent him. I can't stand his fucking smell, he reeks like fear. What a turn off," the one with the camera huffs out."

And Keith begs, _No no no no no no no please do not touch me, do no touch me, don't come closer, I don't want to smell like them_ —

They start nuzzling his neck from two sides, sliding their wrist glands over his shoulders and sides. Keith shudders, cries, but stays unmoving.

Once their rut scent had mingled with his own heat-sick scent, they let off and continue their cruel photo shoot. At some point, Keith stops trying to count how many photos they take.

When they're done, they force him to print all the photos on his own expense.

Keith doesn't remember them leaving. He doesn’t remember anything, at this point. He kneels on his bruised legs, reeking so, so badly of alpha. He's naked and humiliated and barely got away from a group of alphas that could have done far worse. He doesn't register anything else.

His brain ticks back in when he hears three rings, and then a familiar voice answering in a nervous rush.

"Oh god, Keith! I'm- I'm so glad to hear from you. You scared me so much, I didn't know what happened to you!"

Keith is hugging his nude body, lying on the floor in a tight ball when he starts screaming and crying at his phone.

He's angry. He's sad. He feels abused and inhuman. He feels dirty.

"Shi-Shirooo!" He wails and smacks a hand over his mouth, biting his thumb bloody.

 _Don't._ He has no right to trill again. Never again.

Shiro sounds scared.

"God, Keith, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. What's going on? You can talk to me."

Keith sobs softly. He wants his alpha. He needs Shiro with him to hold and protect him.

But he can't ask any of this from Shiro. He has no right to. Never had. _It's. A. Service._

Not his mate or his friend, or anything more than pity.

At least Keith's not dead.

"I- I can't- they came- came into the shop to—" Keith fights for air, gasping and wheezing.

"I'm here Keith, I'm right here."

And Keith slowly sits up, still hugging himself.

"They came here smelling of rut a-and... They probably have been watching me for a-a while..." Keith moans, tears blurring his vision. God, why does his body have to hurt and sweat so much?

"Th-they made me undress and took photos of m-me and th-then made me print them."

There's a pause and Keith is so sure that's when Shiro will laugh at him.

"That just happened right now? Are you still at the shop?" Shiro asks, not calm like usual.

Keith's cruel brain goes off too quick. _He'll come here and finish you,_ that's what it's telling him, and Keith just continues his ugly crying.

"Y-yeah I'm still here," Keith whispers.

And he begs in his mind, he begs Shiro will not offer to come to him now. Hopes he'll just... he doesn't know.

"God, I'll burn the place down so you'll never have to think of this ever again," Shiro spits. Keith lets go of one exhausted huff.

"Can you get up? Take your things and just stand to breathe?' Shiro says next, sounding calm by force of will alone.

Keith nods. Then rolls his eyes. Why does he keep doing this?!

"Yes, I can try." So he does try. But he's scared he'll fall back down to his knees like a sack of flour.

"I'm right with you, Keith, every step. Hold onto the wall, take your time, don't force it. You can do this."

Well, on one hand Keith wishes the alpha would be with him right now. To dress Keith and pick him up securely, making him go pliant and hold Keith protectively.

But who's he kidding? He'd just be scared of Shiro. Like any other alpha.

It's always the same.

Once the omega is dressed and standing on two shaky legs, he does feel a little better. Not disassociating. Just..deeply hurt. Like he's in a nightmare.

"Can you walk, Keith?" Shiro asks and Keith tries making a step forward. Then two. Then three. "Yes." Keith informs.

“I can walk." So he can walk home. At night. Alone. In the dark. Heat sick. "Just, whatever you do, please don't hang up, Shiro. Please don't go away."

"I promise. I'm staying at your side." The alpha assures.

* * *

The walk home is maybe the most difficult thing Keith has ever had to do in his life.

He feels like an empty sail in the wind, numb, dead. The omega is hurt, hurt like he was long ago, the same over and over again. And always at the hands of an alpha. Just hurt.

His steps are so loud, they echo through his whole body and Keith can feel his heartbeat up in his throat.

His mind is going crazy. And his heat-sick pain is edging still. But it could be worse, right? There could be anyone, any alpha jumping him right this second, like this.

But at least he isn't borderline crying anymore. And he doesn't feel as cold as he should in his crumpled shirt. It dampens the scent of his attackers a little, but it will take some days to make it go away. Keith will need to draw a scent-killing bath to try and be rid of it.

"Where are you now?" Shiro's voice is on high alert, but it seems like the man is trying his best to keep his calm for Keith’s sake.

"Almost home. Just five more minutes."

It doesn't feel right to use Shiro's help like this, not after what he did to him. It's too much, and it's also not enough.

"You can do this. Just keep breathing, Keith," the alpha reminds, and Keith, he—

Of course he nods. He sighs at himself. "Yeah, yeah I am," he says into the phone, trying not to sound like he's in major pain because that just makes him feel weak. But maybe he is weak? Maybe he's supposed to be weak. _Be an omega, submit, hold your head low like all of them._

 _No_.

Keith isn't like that. He might be fucked up a lot of the time, and he might have been fucked with a lot too, but that doesn't mean he's going to break.

"I'm at the apartment block now," Keith says, exhausted. His legs will give out any minute now.

"Okay, good, that's very good, Keith."

Upstairs suddenly becomes endless and his steps seem to fail him. It's so fucking exhausting. Everything is.

Behind his locked apartment door for the first time, the omega allows himself to breathe.

Once, twice. Then hot, wet tears roll down Keith's face, accompanied by loud sobs.

"Oh, Keith." Shiro says quietly, and the boy slumps down against the door, sobbing into his arm. He reeks so badly of the alphas, it's almost toxic.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you. I- I don't even know what to say."

He knows Shiro doesn't mean it, but the pity makes it worse. It's always the same, isn't it? You get assaulted and can't do anything. Just live with it. But Keith doesn't just want to live with it.

He can't just forget the horror here. The omega hiccups loudly.

"I'm here with you, not going anywhere, Keith."

Keith trills for Shiro.

And then he does it again, and it turns into more desperate noises and more crying until his whole face is wet and snotty.

Shiro doesn't hang up. He gives him time. Shiro is patient, kind— kinder than Keith deserves.

"I-I- I'm so sorry I hung up on you like that, and that I said those things to you."

There's a long silence before Shiro speaks. "Keith, you don't need to apologise at all. You never have to apologise for such things. I get it, okay? I know it's hard. I mean, I don't know from experience, but I see you. I see you, Keith. And I'm sorry that I can't do more than listen."

Keith wails.

He shouldn't be so desperate and call for Shiro as if he's in some fucking porn video but he really, really wishes the alpha could do something.

"It's not just my job. For a lot of people, yes. But you- you're so complex and stunning, Keith. I truly care about you. And I worry."

"Really?" Keith sniffles, overwhelmed, because _his alpha cares about him. He cares. He cares._

He's hopeful.

There's chuckling.

"You're the most fierce and most interesting client I ever had. I care a whole lot. I like to think we're friends."

Keith smiles.

"Yeah. Friends. Sorry for um- you know."

"It's okay. You're not the first to call for me like that. It's an honor if you trust me enough to make you trill." Shiro sounds honest, and it relaxes Keith.

"Though so far no one ever has sounded as beautiful as you do."

The omega blushes fiercely and rubs his face into his shoulder to dry it a little. "Y-yeah?" He whispers.

"Yeah, Keith. I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to say that, A.S.S. rules and all—"

"No, it's okay. I like it," Keith smiles, his heart warming, pain dissolving.

"Yeah?" Shiro whispers.

"Yeah." Keith slowly rises to his feet and exhales.

"Keith, um... can I give you my private number? Not my work phone number? Do you want to call me with that?" It's so intimate somehow that Keith's fangs drop and he's glad the alpha can't see.

"Please."

Shiro exhales audibly. "Do you want to video call me?"

How should Keith say no to his- to the alpha?

"That would be nice, Shiro."

* * *

Not even thirty minutes later and through a lot of shyness on Keith's end, the omega has drawn himself a milky eucalyptus bath, floating in bubbles. His phone is right next to him on the tub's rim where Shiro sits in a bean bag chair with reading glasses on.

The alpha is gorgeous.

And Keith feels safe with Shiro watching. Not that he sees anything but his head and shoulders and some of the mint-colored bubbles.

But it's safer with Shiro close. Protecting him, like a guardian. He finds himself much better now, smiling dumbly at the screen.

"Feeling better?" Shiro asks and shoves the glasses back up his nose. Keith almost purrs in response and shyly clears his throat before nodding.

"Yeah, much better. Thank you."

"Of course. Do you have any special towels for when you get out? And some soft cotton pyjamas?"

Keith didn't even think that far. He would have probably just quickly scrubbed some towel over his heat-sensitive skin and pulled his jeans back on.

Shiro's better at looking out for him than he is, even if it's only via video call, apparently. The omega's heart throbs a little at this.

"Y-yeah I do. I'll get them as soon as I'm out," Keith informs.

"No rush, please take your time. You should be gentle to yourself right now." The alpha smiles and then shuffles to sit more comfortably.

And... he's right. Keith's just been assaulted. He can take care of himself. He's not to blame, he shouldn’t punish himself. The omega carries no fault.

"Does the bath's scent do any good?" Shiro asks, curiosity in his warm eyes.

"Yeah, it's covering up... a little."

But it's not good enough. Alpha scent stains for days. Especially rut-thick scent. What would help is an alpha scent that Keith actually _wants_ to carry.

Shiro's scent. He wants Shiro's scent on his body. Wants Shiro to gently rub skin on skin, glands against glands.

It's embarrassing how heated the thought makes Keith feel, but he just breathes slowly for a minute to calm down.

Not his alpha. Friends, maybe, but not his alpha.

"I'm glad. Is there anything I could do for you, Keith? It can be anything, and I'll try my best."

Keith thinks it over for a long time. Shiro doesn't press for an answer, just waits for Keith to be ready to ask for what he needs. It takes more than a few minutes.

When Keith steps out of the tub and drains the water, he isn't ready.

When he towels himself off, he isn't ready.

When he's in his favorite sweater and shorts, he isn't ready.

After brushing his fangs and drying his hair, he isn't ready. The silence stretches on until Keith lies in bed, warm light illuminating his face sideways.

And now? He still doesn't feel ready. Or brave. He feels nervous like a teenager.

"I want to see you," Keith whispers.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Shiro leans in towards his screen, still perched in his bean bag chair.

The omega bites his lips, focusing hard. "Nothing. I'm fine, Shiro."

"Okay." Shiro sighs. "Do you want to try to sleep?"

If he wasn't so tired, Keith would say no, but he really is tired after all his body had put him through today. Not too many days more and he's hopefully getting his refill in medication. He needs it badly.

"Yeah. But um... Can you stay? And talk to me until I fall asleep?" Keith asks and turns to lie on his side, eyes glistening in the light. Shiro hums and blinks a few times. "Of course. Do you want me to tell you about some of the dogs I looked after yesterday?"

"Yeah, please."

* * *

It's funny, really, but when Keith attends this third appointment a week later and is basically dematerialising, they bid him in immediately.

"Can't understand how you were pushed back! A whole week with no shots! Horrific!" _Yeah. Totally, whatever you say, Doc. Just hand me my meds._

Once he gets his paper bag with his name on it and a sticker with a lion (he's told it's like blood types, and there are lions, peacocks, bears, chameleons and rabbits), the omega sends a photo of it to Shiro's private number. It still feels intimate. _Not_ service. It feels real when Shiro replies.

>>OMG. Finally. I'm so glad you finally got them, Keith. Can't even imagine how that must have felt.

The omega smiles.

>Yeah, ask me, I am Keith.

Shiro sends back some emojis and then a gif of a lion matching the sticker on his bag.

Once he's able to shuffle out of his jeans and give himself that much needed shot in his leg, Keith groans in relief.

Obviously he doesn't feel the suppressants immediately, it doesn’t work like that, but right now he swears he _might_ just feel it. Just a little.

The omega also returns to work, finally, after all that's been going on. Things... slowly pick back up to their usual pace.

Except now he has nightmares about the assault. And more than that, too. Nightmares about everything.

And he and Shiro text and call even more than before. More intimate than before. It's maybe six weeks now that he’s known him.

But even that turns out okay, because the alpha still takes care of Keith and makes sure to talk to him, to be available when Keith needs the support. Six weeks and it feels normal. No shame.

Keith starts to finally believe his life is taking a turn for the better.

Five days back on his regular suppressants, the omega wakes in a sweat with the burning urge to smash his head from how much pain his lower body gives.

Correction. He's not sweating. It's slick. Heat slick.

Keith is in heat. An actual heat. Despite his medication.

* * *

He's taken a double dose of his medication to kill it down, but he knows that a heat despite the suppressants means his body is ready to mate and desires it.

He gags. Keith is aware it's because his omega body just reacts to the rut scent still lingering on his body.

It's fucking disgusting and he hates, hates that he has to be an omega. Why couldn't he just— fuck.

This time, not even the medication will help him out. So, what else is there to do but try to use his frustration and pain for something useful?

Keith starts with laundry, making a grand breakfast for himself and Kosmo, and takes another scent-cleansing bath.

He vacuums his whole apartment, but with every step he feels slick wetting his underwear. Fuck.

So, what now? He already knows work is definitely not a place to be at today, or tomorrow, or ever.

And if he gets fired? At least he won't be abused again, never again.

The omega lies in bed, but lying still hurts, and sooner or later he's moaning in pain, massaging his belly.

It's no use, no use at all.

Keith's hand finds the elastic of his underwear and he blushes. He's never done this before. Never has had the urge to touch himself there.

The omega barely knows how to do it. Should he ask Shiro? Fuck, no, he can't do that.

He takes his phone and lies in a position that isn't painful. Just test it. Maybe it could help.

With his phone, he looks for a porn site that's omega/omega only, and then tries to find something that's mostly hands to get an idea of how to do this.

There's a pair of omega males, one of them kissing over the other, then the camera shows a hand and the bottoming omega's sex.

Keith watches, hyper focused.His own hand slowly reaches under his cotton underwear and teases gently over his little cock. It's like ecstasy suddenly exploding in his system, and the omega whines softly in shame.

Twenty seven and never jerked off. There’s nothing wrong with that, he knows, but he still feels himself shy and blushing. If an alpha was here to guide—

Oh god. Stop thinking about him, Keith.

But it happens anyways. Keith traces the motions on screen, swipes over his labia, spreads slick that's everywhere anyways and imagines—

Imagines Shiro doing it.

Imagines Shiro helping him through his heat.

Keith trills softly into his pillow, noticing that his pain isn't gone, but definitely better. Lessened.

Carefully the raven-haired presses his middle finger inside his throbbing heat and gasps, feeling the intrusion. He can't see what the omega on his phone does, but he starts curving and bending his finger and—

"Ohhh—"

He does it again and again, eyes lidded, hips jerking.

It feels heavenly. He can't even describe it. Keith inserts another finger when the actors in the video do and whines. It's so good. So, so good.

He bends them, twists them, finds something he likes, then starts thrusting.

"Ho- Hoh fuck oh—" Keith mewls and puts the phone down, swiping his thumb over his throbbing cock for some friction. It's good, it's new. He likes it. But he still aches, because it isn't enough.

Keith doesn't cum when he's finished. He feels a little relieved, but also a little more desperate.

* * *

"... Promise me you won't attempt to go to work? I know I have no right to ask this, but—"

"Shiro," Keith exhales.

"Yeah?" The reply comes quick and the omega smiles.

"I promise I won't go to work. Not like this." Keith turns on the lamp in his living area so Shiro can actually see him on the phone screen.

"Oh. Thank- thank you." Shiro almost looks like he's blushing, but it's just Keith's weird heat vision.

"Sure," Keith hums then.

"Did anything help so far? With the pain?" Shiro asks, and Keith goes red.

_Yeah, I jerked off to the thought of you touching me. It was splendid, Shiro._

"Heating pads and taking scent baths. The- the alpha smell is still there. Like a stain that won't go away no matter what."

"Oh. God, I swear I'm a pacifist, but I'd definitely give them a memo that stays," Shiro huffs and runs a hand through his hair. Keith watches, hypnotized and biting his lips.

"Thank you, Shiro. But it's okay. You-you help by talking. I'm not scared when you're here. And I don't spiral in my thoughts," Keith smiles.

"I'm glad, Keith, really I am." The alpha smiles just as brightly. Keith's so fucked.

"How's sleep? Can you sleep okay?"

Keith blushes again and wonders if it's a side effect of a true heat.

"I sleep better when you stay on the line until I'm gone," the omega admits shyly.

"Oh. Well, I can do that every night, if you like."

Keith's heart makes a hopeful leap, but his stupid brain chills him.

"But what about your other clients? Don't you need to be available?"

It's like something dark and also shy washes over Shiro's face. "Don't worry about that."

Don't worry? Oh, there’s no way it's that easy—

"I quit. Personal reasons. I didn't want to at first, but I found something else in another city."

Why? Why would he do that? What happened? Keith's concern is visible on his face. Shiro seems to pick up on it quickly.

"It just interferes with some personal stuff. I kind of... felt like it wasn't okay. I wasn't paying proper attention to them because of some things. And that's not fair, it's the opposite of what kind of alpha I want to be," Shiro elaborates.

And Keith? He's hurting.

It awfully and obviously sounds like Shiro has taken interest in someone, and Keith is probably just annoying and bothering. _Shiro is pitying you, you dumb little omega. What did you expect? He's young, fertile and beautiful. A top alpha._

The thought makes him hurt more than he thought possible and Keith gasps aloud. "Oh. I see," he forces out. "I hope you'll like that new job," Keith clears his throat and does his best to smile.

"Thank you. I think it will. Hey, can you believe that it's almost two months since we met?"

Yeah. Keith is aware. Painfully aware.

"Oh really? That's wild." That was so dry, Keith cringes, and that makes his guts scream, so the omega folds in on himself in pain.

"Oh Keith, are you okay?"

"Peachy. Just gotta... I'll talk to you later?" He hangs up before Shiro replies.

It's not a second later that he trills softly, sobs following. He's so desperate, hurt. His heat and his body want Shiro. Everything about him wants Shiro.

Close. Protecting Keith.

But Keith knows, knows he can't have the alpha, no matter what he wants.

He doesn't call Shiro that night to fall asleep.

* * *

His phone wakes him, and with a little bit of instinctual hope, Keith picks up to greet Shiro.

"Good morning," he smiles.

"Keith uh... hey. We kind of need to talk," Allura answers. "I've seen the security feed. From the night you worked off meds. Can I come over?"

The boy is pacing the living room anxiously when the loud ringing of his doorbell makes Keith flinch.

He opens the door to Allura's face, and she looks so angry that it makes Keith bow his head in fear. The alpha woman doesn't notice that she or her scent affects Keith like this.

"Wha-what is going on?" Keith asks. Play dumb. Just play dumb, maybe it's not that.

"Sit down, Keith. Please." She says and waits for him to reluctantly plant his butt on the couch. Luckily, he's got a heat aid pad in his underwear to cover the scent. She sits with him.

"Before you even try to deny it, I can... I can smell it on you."

Keith panicks.

"The alpha scent. It's... it's on you. So don't deny you've been attacked. God, when I saw this video feed I immediately called the cops. I'm sorry, I should have asked first, but they're already on the case," Allura explains nervously, hands twitching.

Keith deflates. She isn't here to fire him. Or call him responsible. Or anything like that.

"Keith? Are you with me?"

The omega is so overwhelmed, he hiccups and clenches his fists. "Thank you... so much, Allura."

"What? Don't thank me, silly. I didn't think you'd do anything about it, and I know it's hard for omegas to get help on this shit but trust me I threw a full tantrum. They _will_ find these knotheads, and God forbid if I find them first."

Keith sniffles, but he also chuckles.

"I also told Boss about it, without too much info. She's giving you paid leave for two weeks so you can recover," Allura hums.

Keith knows their boss didn't do that because it was her own choice. Allura can... be quite convincing.

"I don't know how to thank you," he says, numb.

"Thank me by taking care of yourself, please. Do you want me to stay or leave? I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she hesitates.

He would like her to stay, but he knows his body won't allow it.

"It's better if you leave. But I owe you. How about dinner?" he offers.

"Deal."

* * *

Keith wakes in pain again. And fear. His dreams are mingled with alpha scent and alpha hands and the torture he experienced. He can't do this anymore.

On the third ring, a familiar voice greets Keith.

"Good morning, Keith. Did you sleep okay?"

 _No_.

"It..was okay, yeah," Keith replies.

There's a moment of silence, as if Shiro is allowing him time.

It’s what Keith needed.

"Actually, no. The nightmares, they... they're bad. Even after my co-worker did all this, it's like my um... my heat tries to infiltrate my brain? I don't know."

He knows.

Keith did his research on heat abuse. His brain makes him think he wants this because his heat needs to be used. Omega biology. Even though he doesn't want it at all. It's fucked up and wrong and he hates himself when he touches himself.

At least it's to the thought of Shiro, not them.

But that isn't fair, either. Shiro is his friend. There's no excuse for using his imagination like that.

"Oh, Keith. I just wish I could do anything."

_Come here. Touch me. Make the pain go away. Heal me._

"It's okay. You do help. You're talking to me."

Keith hums and puts his phone on the kitchen counter so Shiro can see him while he goes about his morning routine.

"Can I do anything else?" Shiro asks. Keith's fucking heat makes him believe Shiro sounds hopeful.

But the omega considers it. "Can we stay on the call all day?"

"Sure, Keith. I'd love to."

Keith smiles and then puts milk and some vitamin powders into his blender to make a milkshake.

"Thank you. I appreciate this a lot." Keith's ears burn. But he wants Shiro to know.

"Of course. I like to talk to you, anyways."

The omega nods and then turns on his radio for background noise, licking spilled milk from his middle finger before sticking a red straw into the shake. Morning routine. It somehow feels more meaningful with the alpha watching. Watching Keith take proper care of himself.

Keith feels proud, a little. He makes a healthy breakfast, too, humming to the song and dancing with his feet.

If he's embarrassing, he doesn't care. If the chuckle that Shiro makes is because he looks stupid, he doesn't care.

"Tastes good?" The alpha asks softly.

"Uh-huh. It's good." Yoghurt, granola, berries. Keith flops on his kitchen chair and gets a lap full of Kosmo's head.

"Ugh! Down, Kosmo! You can't have my yoghurt! Stop!"

Kosmo pouts, wags his tail and licks at Keith's heating pad, still awaiting a treat. Keith curses the dog.

"I can't stand this. You're too cute."

He puts a finger in the yoghurt and lets Kosmo lick it off. "Now go, go and don't come back, you cow-sized baby," Keith huffs.

Shiro won't stop laughing.

* * *

Later that day, Keith is giving Shiro a room tour, sitting down whenever the pain is too bad and letting Shiro comfort him.

Once he's done (and honestly it wouldn't have been that long, if Keith hadn't shown him literally all of his decorations and occasionally played fetch with Kosmo), the alpha offers to show his house, too.

It's massive. White and black with purple accents, and Keith gets to find out a few of Shiro's interests. For one, he loves rockets. There are posters. He's also into Star Wars, but denies it.

"Wait, was that a lego Millennium Falcon?"

"What? No."

"Come on, I saw that, you nerd," Keith laughs.

"I don't know what you're talking about," the alpha protests.

"Did I show you my uhh... my... my carpet? It's nice. No Star Wars. Just carpet."

Keith dies laughing, shedding a few tears.

* * *

When the evening comes around, Keith is on his couch, pain increasing. He should change his heat aid pad soon. It feels drenched. But he's so comfortable talking to Shiro.

He also... feels tingly. Down there. This hasn’t ever happened, not since he tried touching himself. It's weird.

"Something wrong?” Shiro asks, pushing his hair back. The slow motion makes Keith almost whine, pressing his thighs together.

"I think I'm..tired." He is, it's not a lie. Tired and tingly.

It's a nice combo, but he'd need to be alone if he wanted to act on it.

Keith wishes he could ask Shiro to stay and watch. Help him. Guide him. The thought is so hot, he’s moaning before he snaps out of it. God, he blushes so intensely it dizzies him.

"I... oh my god. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- I'm just... my heat and—" Keith tries, ashamed.

Shiro is oddly quiet, as if thinking really hard.

"It's okay."

"No, it's wrong, I shouldn't do that. I just don't- I'm not good at controlling it. Obviously, I mean, that's why I used the service in the first place. Um... sorry," Keith trails off from his rant.

"No, I meant... it's really okay. I understand. And I'm also aware that it helps with the pain you must be enduring still," Shiro states as if it's just a fact and not Keith ruining everything.

"But... Shiro—" Keith bites his hand, presses his legs together.

_Don't make a noise._

"Listen. If you like, I can... help. No pressure. This is your choice. I wouldn't mind. And I'm not doing it out of pity or to take advantage. I seriously just don't want you in pain."

Keith trills softly in response. And his heat it... it screams yes. All of him screams yes.

He wants Shiro to help him. To guide him as Keith touches himself.

"You'd do that?" the omega whines.

Shiro smiles encouragingly from Keith's phone screen.

"Of course, Keith. It's okay. I will take care of you." It's a promise Keith should ask about. But he doesn’t.

"Please."

The omega experiences what is perhaps his most tender moment in his whole life. It feels like eternity passes while Keith walks to his bedroom and sets the phone on his nightstand facing the bed before he undresses fully nude.

"Can I- Is it okay if I lie under the sheets?" Keith whispers off screen.

"Of course. Please do whatever makes you comfortable. And Keith, tell me if you need or want to stop."

The omega exhales at Shiro's calming voice and then climbs under his blankets, facing the phone screen. He feels hot. And safe. Looked over and cared for.

_Shiro is here. My alpha is here. He will take care of me._

Keith purrs quietly and his eyes go lidded.

"I'm here, Keith," the alpha confirms.

Maybe it's his heat taking over more fully now, but this time when Keith trills for him, he's glad he does.

Shiro just smiles, always smiles, encourages and calms Keith like the perfect mate.

"Okay. Feel good and comfortable?" Shiro asks and Keith nods slowly.

"Yes, Alpha," Keith murmurs, drunk on this feeling. What feeling? Hell if he knows. But it's welcome.

Shiro gazes at Keith for a moment, biting his lips with his filed-down fangs. "How about you feel over your belly. Feel your warmth, your heartbeat? Can you do that for me?" Shiro asks, voice as tender as Keith’s heart feels.

Keith does as he's told, feels his strong but slow heartbeat in his chest, strokes over warm and soft skin, muscles twitching under his hands.

He allows himself to sigh as he relaxes.

"Good, you're doing good, Keith." Shiro sounds like dripping honey to the omega’s ears.

"Can you feel over your mound now? And let a finger, any finger, rub in circles over your cock?"

Keith's face is an inferno, but he easily obeys the other’s words, swearing under his breath as he feels himself up. It's so good with Shiro here.

"Good?" Shiro asks and Keith nods, eyes shut in embarrassment and concentration.

"You're so beautiful like this," the alpha says. And Keith? The poor boy is too drunk on his heat to question Shiro's words, nor worry about it too much. Though the praise makes him bare his throat.

"Can you feel lower for me? Feel over your entrance?"

The omega parts his lips gently, fresh and dried slick on them, his thighs oozing from his ripe hole. Keith makes a satisfied noise and opens his mouth to make room for his dropping fangs. He might not know why, but he doesn't mind. Eventually, Keith will know they drop to signal he wants to mark an alpha for bond when this happens. Not right now though.

"That good?" Shiro asks, curiously.

"It's good, Alpha," Keith answers, breathy and inbetween tiny moans.

"Would you like to insert a finger?"

Would Keith ever deny Shiro anything?

He nods, slowly pushing his middle finger into his tight heat, feeling himself clench and release to make room, to allow the intrusion. If only it wasn't Keith's hand. An omega's hand.

"Shiro," Keith whines, desperate, gasping for air.

"Shh, I know, I'm right here," the alpha assures. "Bend your finger a little. Forwards, as if to motion someone to come closer."

Keith does. And then he moans pretty loudly, it's startling.

"Alpha," he sobs. Why isn't his alpha here? Taking care of Keith for him?

"I know, Keith. You can do this. I'm not going anywhere." Shiro calms him and then Keith opens his eyes, Shiro is still smiling at him softly.

"Hey there. Feeling okay?" Shiro whispers.

"Yeah," Keith smiles weakly back, red as a cherry.

"Do you want to try to push another finger in? See if it feels good?"

Keith has no idea how much he can take, but he's willing to try to end this pain.

"I'll try," the omega hums and then slowly lets his ring finger join inside.

It's hot, so hot and so tight and sensitive. Keith bends his fingers again like Shiro said, making himself keen in pleasure.

"You're doing so good, Keith," Shiro praises. "Now maybe try to pull your fingers out, then back in."

Slowly and a little reluctant, the omega does. He doesn't like feeling the loss of something inside, but the intruding thrust he gives himself? Keith trills.

"Good, yeah?"

"Good, it's good, Alpha," Keith agrees, gasping.

"Now move your other hand to your sex, let it rub your cock while you continue to push in and bend." Shiro instructs. It's a wonderful, overwhelming feeling when Keith obeys eagerly.

The omega continues the movements, takes a faster pace when Shiro suggests and slowly feels a weird, incredible feeling inside his gut rising.

"Sh-Shiro I feel—" He doesn't know how to describe it, but it's so fucking great.

"Yeah? I know. It's good, right?" Shiro asks.

Keith nods.

"It's okay, Keith. Let it come, let it wash over you. I'm sure you'll feel better when you allow it to happen." He trusts the alphas’s words. So, Keith lets it arrive.

When Keith climaxes, he doesn't hide anything about it. He couldn’t, even if he tried.His back arches off the bed and he moans Shiro's name, feeling his heat clamping down on his fingers as the orgasm hits him, pain forgotten.

The omega feels no shame in this moment.

"Unghh, oh- Shir- Shir- _Ohh_."

With one last soft trill and a lot of panting, his hands go lax with fingers still inside— as if his omega body automatically registers a knot needing to be held securely inside his throbbing body.

There are a few minutes of silence.

But when Keith finally turns his head to glance at Shiro, he's still smiling kindly, maybe a little red in his face but it could be the light.

"Back on planet Earth?" Shiro chuckles.

The boy is still pretty drugged from his heat, but he manages a sly grin. "Back. Right here."

The alpha nods. "I'm glad. Did it feel good? Are you feeling better now?"

Keith shuffles a little higher to the colder part of his pillow.

"Yes and yes," Keith yawns. "Thank you for being here for me, Shiro," his voice slurs a tiny bit, body finally a little satisfied and allowing Keith to relax.

"No worries. I liked helping you out. You were so stunning, so gorgeous when you came."

But Keith's already asleep.

* * *

In the morning, Keith wakes without pain. No sweat. No startling awake, no anxiety.

His body is oddly calm despite his heat.

A little embarrassed, he notices he's nude. The omega also realizes that... he barely remembers anything from yesterday. He doesn't remember going to bed, or falling asleep. Or anything, really. Just... that whatever happened brought him the relief he’s feeling right now.

There's a text from Shiro, unopened.

"Good morning, beautiful. I hope your night was refreshing."

Keith almost drops the phone.

Where the heck does that come from? Why?

He doesn't answer right away. He's confused. _Beautiful_? Beautiful? Is this a joke? Did he miss anything? Is Shiro making fun of him?

And then of course his anxiety does seep back in.

He's just like all the others. All alphas are like this, you know it. You're weak once and they use it.

But Shiro isn't like that. He works for a service against such abuse.

No pet names. No claiming. A relationship only to help the omega.

Yet... this is Shiro's private phone.

God, fuck, what happened last night? Maybe there's a good reason for this.

Then again, what would Shiro's person of interest think of this? Keith can't indulge. He couldn't do that to Shiro and his possible relationship. Keith’s not like that, he won’t.

>Do not call me that, please. It makes me uncomfortable.

It hurts so bad, but what else should Keith do? Just look past it?

Shiro is online, the message marked as read, then he types. Then he’s offline.

For hours, there's no answer. Which is very unlike the alpha. It dawns on Keith that he has possibly committed the greatest mistake of his life. Yet, he's also too anxious to fix it. Or attempt to.

Silence falls between the two men that day. And the day after.

But Keith's heat just kicks in harder for whatever fucking reason. He's miserable, bedridden. He cries a lot, faints a few times from pain.

He loses track of the many times he has to throw up in a bucket beside his bed. The omega can't even get up to feed Kosmo or himself, so he moves half his kitchen into his bedroom to somehow fulfill these needs.

At least Kosmo sticks to his side, loyal as ever.

* * *

"... Yes, Allura. Thank you. Just bring it into the living room and lock the door again, okay?"

Keith giving her the key to his apartment wasn't easy, but necessary. And after all, she's mated, respects boundaries and only wants to help.

Yet he feels that familiar spike of anxiety when he hears her inside, before she calls out that it's just her. She drops the groceries quickly and leaves.

It's embarrassing how weak the omega becomes, worse by the day. He feels pathetic.

One night, he can't take the silence anymore. He calls Shiro. Waits for the third ring to pass before Shiro will pick up like he always has.

He doesn't after the fourth.

Or the fifth.

Or sixth.

"Good day, this is the mailbox of—"

Stung, Keith hangs up.

But he doesn’t sleep all night. He just can't. So he tries calling again, hourly. Shiro never answers his phone, as if the alpha has his phone turned off.

With every failed attempt, pain and fear rises in Keith's system.

Around six AM, his body is ready to give out, faint, die. All this, because the pain of losing Shiro fuels his heat pain. But he doesn't give up. He starts to use the mailbox, records a million messages. Texts Shiro a thousand words. They all stay unread.

Keith doesn't give up. He needs to reach Shiro. His alph— no, his friend.

* * *

At three in the afternoon, Keith really cracks. He starts crying in desperation. He doesn't get why he's so extra needy to hear from Shiro, but he desperately needs to hear from the alpha.

"Please pick up, Shiro. Please, please please."

One ring. Two. Three.

"What do you want, Keith? Seriously, can't you just stop bombing me like this? I'm tired. I got the memo, alright? You don't like me, you just wanted to get out of heat. Don't fucking rub it in. I really don't think I deserve this treatment."

The omega trills in pain.

"Don't do that. I don't want to hear it. I— you can't do this to me, Keith."

Shiro continues. And Keith? He's shocked, afraid. Because he doesn't understand, he doesn't remember! What did he do? It must be something terrible, but he’s reread their chat a thousand times, finding nothing.

Something must have happened during their phone call.

Keith can't fucking remember.

"Did you seriously just call to rub it in, or what?” Shiro acuses, his voice breaking. “Because- because I really can't do this, I'm sorry."

Keith whines softly. He wants to ask what he did, wants to beg for Shiro to forgive him. But nothing, absolutely nothing comes out when he opens his mouth aside from more chirpy trills, high and pained.

Shiro audibly grits his teeth.

"Listen, I understand that you wanted to sign up for all of this just to get some help in your daily life. I understand that you call me at night to calm you down. I understand your life is hard."

The omega’s breathing is too quick, making him dizzy.

"But I- I have feelings too. I care so much. Maybe too much. Keith, listen, I can't do this. The other night was- was special. It meant...a lot to me, personally. Not for my own benefit, but because you looked happy, truly happy and relieved. But- but if it's just part of the service or- I don't know."

Keith bites his fingernails in fear.

"I really believed that you let me get closer like this because you want our friendship. But now I feel like you actually don't care. And I'm

that's not like you, so..." There's a noise that sounds awfully like the alpha crying. "Please, please say something. Convince me. Tell me I'm wrong, fuck. I need to know if you want this or not."

The omega's heart bleeds. His pain is bad, so bad he can't think, and Keith doesn't know what he did but he's sorry, so sorry and—

He can't speak.

His anxiety makes him choke on the words he wants to say, and Keith barely makes a noise at all.

Shiro makes a dismissive noise. "Alright. Okay. I get it. I'm sorry I bothered. Or, well, sorry I got into it too much. Should have known." The alpha hangs up on Keith.

Keith finally feels the pressure in his throat release. It comes out in a terrible scream. Loud enough to make the neighbours across the street open their blinds. Loud enough for Kosmo to flee from the end of his bed.

His phone is still held in his hand, to his ear. Keith drops it, unfeeling.It doesn't matter now. He's in heat, in pain, his alpha rejected him—

No. Shiro hates him. Not just rejection. Keith hurt the alpha, badly from what he can tell, and his stupid ass doesn't even

what he did.

It makes Keith wail again, louder this time, kicking at the sheets and tears dripping hotly, more and more. Keith's gasping, fangs dropped protectively as though he's in danger.

_Danger. No alpha. Rejected. Hurt, hurt, hurt, you hurt our alpha, you don't deserve him._

* * *

Keith can't sleep. Not tonight. Not the day after, or for a long while after that.

His heat is long, too long. He can't return to work like this. Fuck, the omega can't even leave his own apartment. He reeks of bond break, Allura tells him. It's the worst scent an omega can make.

And the worst part is that he never got to have a bond to begin with. All he did was abuse the trust of someone he cared for dearly, someone Keith grew attached to, and now he's gone.

Shiro didn't block him. But Keith doesn’t dare text him anymore. Or call. Or open their chat.

Allura tells Keith that some things don't last, that it's not the omega's fault. Maybe it wasn't meant to happen. But Keith wishes he at least knew what he did, so he could apologise.

He becomes stuck in a cycle of heat, guilt, rejection and fear. Keith is empty. He knows he needs to heal by himself. He can't depend on the alpha, right? He can't—

But he wants to, so badly.

All his life Keith depended on himself and his own actions, always threatened by others. And Shiro was the first to take that burden from his shoulders.

Keith doesn't want this to end. Why should he have to manage on his own? That's not living, only surviving.

He doesn't know what this feeling means yet, but he isn't about to let go.

* * *

After those four days, Keith starts to call Shiro again. First once a day.

Then twice.

His heat week turns into more. And upon some research Keith finds that a rejected heat can turn into a full month of the same pain and sweat and fear.

The omega calls three times a day.

There's voicemail after voicemail. Keith voices his apologies on every single one.

"... You've reached the mailbox of..."

"Shiro. It's me, Keith. I mean, you know that. I call you... a lot. You don't pick up. It's okay! I just... Please call me? I want to apologise. I don't know- what I did. I don’t know what happened. But it doesn't matter, because I know I hurt you. I couldn't speak because I was shocked, but I can speak now. So please, please call me, Shiro. You're my friend, right? You deserve an apology."

He gets back. But it's okay. Keith will cope.

* * *

While the phone dials, Keith taps his fingers on the table. He's grown a little stubble, and his pain is worse than ever.

He's losing hope by now. But not the routine. In Keith's head, he's repeating word for word like a mantra that will be on Shiro's voicemail today.

"Keith, for the love of whatever you believe in, go to fucking bed, it's three AM," Shiro says. He doesn't sound mad. He sounds... concerned.

Oh.

The omega's mouth shuts. He blinks once.

"Shiro." Keith whispers, and the wave of emotion he's hit with makes his eyes glassy with tears.

"Yeah. I'm here," Shiro replies softly.

"You're here," the omega repeats. "Oh god- did you listen to- I mean you-"

"I listened to them. All of them." Shiro chuckles.

"But then- why did you- just now and—"

Keith whispers still, scared his voice will fail him.

"Well first I wanted you to hurt like me. And then I... I understood. And felt like a dick. And then I was scared to pick up and didn't know what to do. I'm sorry."

Keith shakes his head.

There's a small pause, and then, simultaneously, they start laughing, and then sobbing.

"I thought you hated me!" Keith cries, despair thick in his voice.

"I did! But I also didn't! God, I'm such an idiot!" Shiro replies, upset. "I thought you didn't want me, either." he says, a little calmer.

The omega trills sadly. "I want you. I want you, Shiro. Always."

When they've both calmed and paused, Keith moves to sit more comfortably on the kitchen floor. He leans against the cupboard behind him picking at his skin.

"Shiro?" he asks softly. And god, he swears Shiro sounds even more tender when he replies.

"Yes Keith?"

"Please, please tell me what I did that night? I swear, I don't remember. I'm no doctor, and Google is no doctor, but apparently heat can cause mild amnesia and apparently I forgot something very important."

There's silence. A loud sigh.

"Oh, Keith," the alpha hums. "It's... well."

Keith bites his lips, then pops them nervously.

"I offered to talk to you. Talk you through something."

Keith nods, then makes a noise to confirm he’s listening.

"I guided you while you touched yourself that night."

Like a lightning strike, images flash through the omega's head. Shiro’s smiling face. His honey-dripping voice. The pain of Keith’s heat.

Then relief. Sleep.

Waking up relaxed. Shiro's text.

"I remember. I-- oh god." Keith's face burns with shame.

"Yeah," Shiro says.

Keith's head throbs, confused.

"But you said... you said you stopped working for the A.S.S. and I- I thought you had interest in someone. Isn't that cheating? I mean- I feel bad now. I felt bad enough when you called me beautiful."

"Keith," the alpha sounds like he's smiling.

"Y-Yeah?"

"Nobody likes me like you do. Nobody makes me laugh like you do. Nobody makes me feel like you do."

Keith frowns. "Yeah, but—"

"Keith. I like you." Shiro chuckles.

 _Oh_.

"Wait. Wait, wait you- you like me? _Me_?"

Keith panics.

"Yeah, you. Just you. The way you are, exactly like that."

"But I'm not in my fertile season and- and my heat sickness and I'm poor and- and the scent disease and the alphas that—" he tries to find any reason. Any.

Any reason that'll convince Shiro that Keith is just a broken omega. Apparently nothing is good enough.

"I don't want you for your body. I don't care about your sickness. I don't need your money, Keith. I'll kill those alphas that dared to touch you."

Keith finds that maybe he just needs to accept that he—

"I'm scared, Shiro," he admits in a hushed tone.

"I know, Keith. Me too." The alpha sounds genuine. "And maybe it's supposed to be this way. Maybe we should be scared. Maybe it's okay, if we're together," Shiro explains.

Keith wants to believe him so badly.

"But Shiro, I don't even know if I can touch you at all. How's that gonna work? I've never been with someone, either."

"I don't need to touch you to be with you. And I've never been with someone like you, either," the alpha argues. And Keith just exhales.

He wants to be able to touch Shiro. To be held. Protected. But he can't learn if he doesn't try.

"You said you moved to a different city," Keith states.

There's nervous laughter on Shiro's end. "Yeeah, uh... this might sound creepy."

Keith waits, gives Shiro time to answer.

"Remember that you had to put your address in to sign up for the service system?"

Oh yeah. That hadn't been so nice. Keith had prayed that this information wouldn't be abused.

His heart races. "Y-Yeah?"

"Well you live about four hours North of my old place. And well, once I dropped the job, I could have either moved to Europe or to a city ten minutes from you for my new work."

Keith exhales. What did he think? That Shiro would have been actually stalking him, like those alphas at work?

"Oh. Wait, you're that close?"

Shiro makes an affirmative noise. "I didn't want to offer to visit. It seemed inappropriate. And uh... I guess I just wanted to wait for you to initiate, if you ever wanted to."

Keith's heart throbs.

"Sorry, I know this is extremely weird and I apologise. If you want me t—"

Keith interrupts, determined now. "Shiro," the omega says.

"Yes, Keith?" A pause.

"I want to meet you, please?" His voice grows tiny again, nervous, excited.

"Of course, Keith."


	2. And the last time hurting

The promise alone that the alpha will visit Keith was satisfying enough for his body to make his heat finally drop. The pain Keith felt just days ago started to recede, leaving him with a more familiar and manageable level of heat pain.

The omega feels free. He also feels like he's suffocating.

Why? Why is he nervous?

He's meeting the one person Keith feels welcome and appreciated by. He's meeting an alpha that seems more polite than anyone else on this planet. Someone safe and sound. But what if Keith’s not good enough?

Shiro said he doesn't need to touch Keith to be with him. What if he just said it to comfort Keith?

He paces his apartment. "What if he sees me face-to-face and is disappointed? Or he hates my scent?" Keith sounds desperate.

Kosmo barks softly in answer, making Keith sigh.

"I know, Kosmo. I need to wait and try. No trying, no winning. Just- don't wanna lose him."

Kosmo tilts his head and just watches the omega walk in a circle, then in a full figure eight. He sits down, gets up, then sits back down again.

"Fuck. My body won't chill," Keith complains.

Just two nights ago, they finally cleared up their whole misunderstanding, and now he's waiting for Shiro to come visit. Of course it has had Keith feeling anxious, but now he's borderline scared.

"I mean- he talked me through my heat masturbating. It can't get any more embarrassing, right?" The omega hopes that’s true. Then again, he has no good experience. Just a lot to unpack.

"Fuck."

* * *

>>I'm driving now. 10 minutes to town, then 15 to your apartment.

Keith reads it twice, just to be sure Shiro is really and absolutely, _actually_ coming over. His alpha is visiting because Keith asked him to.

>I'm excited. But also scared.

>>I'm scared too Keith.

Shiro says it as if it's natural. So maybe it is.

* * *

The closer Shiro gets, the more Keith panics. It gets bad enough for his anxious thoughts to set in. Keith starts to make a plan in case he needs to flee the house, before realizing that's stupid.

He catches himself trembling, fangs dropping protectively.

The omega does the only thing that feels appropriate. He hides.

>I'm sorry, I'm really scared. I put the door keys under the mat, please just let yourself in, okay? I know this is weird, but I'm too scared to face you like this.

For once, he needs an alpha to initiate.

Shiro doesn't read that text, and Keith is going mad with his fear.

_Alpha coming to my house inviting him is it clean enough does it smell okay will shiro like it will he like me-_

Keith climbs into his closet and stays there.

He used to hide in closets a lot, as a kid, when he got bullied by other kids or older alphas.

It's a place that calms Keith. Here, no one will come hurt or threaten him.

And he can hear everything from his safe vantage, too.

Not long after, the omega hears the special knock he and Shiro had made up for safety. So he would know it was Shiro.

It comes a second time. Then, a pause.

Keith's heart is beating so fast, but he can't move, he can't go to the door, he can't go—

The omega hears his keys jingle, then the door unlocking.

Keith's whole world changes, turns upside down when the alpha enters his home. His most sacred place. Small, maybe, but safe and smelling of only Keith.

And now Shiro is here.

"Keith? I'm sorry I didn't check the phone."

Shiro's voice is still far away, but it's different now that it isn’t heard through the speaker of Keith’s telephone. It's overwhelming, and Keith responds to it with a soft, welcoming trill.

He hears slow and careful footsteps coming closer to his bedroom.

 _Oh God_ , Keith thinks, _I'm so weird, I'm weird and he'll hate it, my alpha will hate me because I didn't welcome him at the door, I'm useless, a dumb omega_ -

"Can I come in? I don't want to intrude. Take your time. I can wait, Keith. I'll wait for you."

The raven-haired sniffles. "Please come in, Shiro."

Keith listens to the door opening, then a sweet scent greets him.

It isn't overpowering, nor thick with need or want. It's as if it's... shy?

Shiro's shy. And he's careful and considerate.

"Are you in the closet?"

The omega whines softly, ashamed. "Um... yeah. I'm sorry." Keith says, the door dampening his words.

"It's okay. I'll sit on the floor, okay? If you open the door, I'm not too close to your bedroom door in case you want to leave the room," Shiro offers. It makes Keith tear up, and he nods.

"Okay, thank you."

Maybe it isn't all that weird that he's scared.

Keith has only had the worst experiences when he has opened up, made himself vulnerable. When he has initiated.

He’s always been hurt by alphas.

And sure, Shiro is different. But Keith's body is just... defensive. Protective of himself.

After a few beats of silence, Keith starts to feel like a bad host.

"Do you want some water?" he asks the alpha.

"Oh, yes please."

Keith nods and realizes he needs to get out of the closet for that.

Well.

He inhales and braces himself. "I'll come out now," Keith warns.

It feels like time is going so, so slowly as Keith slides the door open and is met with warm afternoon light.

He blinks and then his pupils dilate when he sees Shiro.

For a hot second, Keith forgets to breathe. Then the alpha chuckles.

It's the nicest sound ever.

Shiro is tall. Big. He's wide and has muscles all over, he's so massive. He could crush Keith. And protect him.

Shiro has filed fangs. It's painful for alphas, but an act of respect. He sits on the floor, trying to make himself small. Trying to keep his scent down.

He's wearing some simple jeans and a soft-looking grey t-shirt.

Keith notices some things then.

First, there's a scar on his nose he hasn't seen before. Make up?

Second, his right arm isn't... flesh. It's a prosthetic.

Third, despite his smile, the alpha looks nervous.

Shiro wets his lips, bows his head a little and then looks at Keith.

"Hi," he hums.

Keith slowly scoots out of the closet and smiles at Shiro. His voice fails him at first, but once Keith has swallowed, he replies just as softly.

"Hey."

"Um... water? I— sorry." Shiro asks and it pulls Keith from his stupor, finally.

"Ah! Yes, sorry. Wait here?" Where else would the man go? But Shiro just nods and watches Keith leave.

In his kitchen, Keith doubles over to breathe.

There's an alpha in his bedroom.

There is an alpha.

In Keith's bedroom.

Correction: _Shiro_ is in Keith's bedroom. And Keith is getting him a glass of water.

Holy shit.

When he re-enters the room, Keith finds Shiro still sitting on the floor, obediently waiting. Not looking around or touching Keith's things or spreading his scent. _Waiting_.

"Water," Keith mumbles. But he's frozen where he's standing in his door frame.

"Do you want me to take it from you?" Shiro asks with a calm smile.

"Um... no. I'll put it on the floor and you take it?" Keith suggests and the alpha nods. Okay. Put the glass down. Easy.

Well it isn't easy enough, because when Keith kneels to put it down, the omega trips and lets go off the glass.

Which of course, curse him, breaks in way too many pieces.

Keith's face is deep red and he doesn't dare to move or to speak.

"Are you okay?" Shiro asks gently.

"Yes. I'm okay."

He's on-fucking-fire.

"Okay, tell me where you have towels and your vacuum cleaner, I'll take care of this," the alpha says but stays seated. "Is that okay? I will need to stand up for that and walk past you," Shiro elaborates.

Keith just kneels there, frozen, feeling stupid.

"Hey. Don't be mean to yourself in your head. It happens. You're not the first to drop something. This is new and difficult."

Keith looks up, meets grey eyes that seem to reassure him.

"Okay?" Shiro needs the omega's confirmation. It means a lot to Keith, it means equally and that Shiro truly cares.

"Okay. Towels in my bathroom, left door. Vacuum is behind the couch," the omega explains.

"Good okay. I'll stand up now."

Keith closes his eyes and waits for Shiro to pass him, not opening his eyes until he hears footsteps to his bathroom.

God, how is he supposed to do this? He's an embarrassing mess. Shiro will hate him by the end of one day.

The footsteps echo, then come to a stop, then resurface when Shiro moves to his living room.

To Keith, his apartment is a normal size and very comfortable, spacious. But compared to Shiro's massive alpha body? It's almost a joke. Keith never thought about it, but Shiro probably had to duck his head to enter his bedroom.

It’s a ridiculous thought, but also... sweet.

Shiro didn't complain.

The raven-haired hears Shiro coming back with both a towel and the vacuum, stopping at his bedroom door.

"Can I come in?" So considerate. So kind. Why did Keith panic in the first place? Shiro knows. He's not an asshole.

"Yes, please," Keith exhales and watches the doorknob move before the alpha re-enters.

The image of an alpha doing work he feels should be his own job makes Keith frown.

"Shiro you don't need to—"

"Hush, it's fine. I can help."

So, here Keith is, watching an alpha male clean the stupid mess he made because of his nervous hands. It's nice somehow. To know Shiro isn't mad, or minding it at all.

They sit there, a few feet of room between one another, and Keith feels himself slowly relax.

He got Shiro a new glass, and the alpha holds it carefully in his large hand.

"Hey," Shiro says again, blushing when he hears himself.

"Hi. Sorry," Keith smiles shyly.

"It's okay Keith, please don't worry. Do you, um... want to talk about anything?"

The omega hums. He could ask about the scar, or the arm, or why Shiro has filed teeth but... He accepts these things naturally. So why ask?

"About that lego Millennium Falcon..."

Shiro blinks and then groans. It's adorable.

"No, nope, we are _not_ talking about my Star Wars obsession."

That has Keith laughing, squinting his eyes in delight.

"So you admit it!" he snickers.

"I never said that!" Shiro protests, but the tone makes Keith flinch. "Oh- hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk so loud."

Keith swallows. "I know. It's fine."

And it is, it is okay. Because Shiro is Shiro.

* * *

They spend a lot of time like this, Keith leaning against his wardrobe door and Shiro sitting cross-legged with his water.

It's calm and nice and Keith grows more and more trusting. At some point, he scoots closer, as if approaching a dangerous animal that might attack at any moment.

But Shiro just watches, stunned, and bows his head to show he's harmless. He respects Keith. He won't hurt the omega.

They talk. And talk. Neither of them asks about all the things they don't know about each other. They don't make a fuss about their situation. They just sit, enjoy each other's presence and get used to the other’s scent.

"You smell like fresh earth and eucalyptus," Shiro hums.

Keith worries, purses his lips.

_Does his alph- Shiro not like it? Is it bad?_

"Do you find it okay?" Keith breathes and picks at the skin on his arm.

Shiro smiles warmly and nods.

"Of course. It's nice, very fresh. And very positive. I like that you don't smell like sugar."

Keith frowns.

"I mean, no- that sounded wrong. Sweet scents are nice. But I think statistics say that sixty percent of all omegas smell very sweet. So I just enjoy that you... don't. You're special. In every way."

Keith still looks uncomfortable while he calms down.

"I'm sorry," the alpha deflates and Keith perks up at that. He doesn't want Shiro to look like that.

"No, it's fine. But you know you smell like the popcorn and candy in a cinema?" Keith asks and stretches his legs out in the alpha's direction.

Shiro visibly swallows. Nods.

"Yeah, it's kind of uncommon and weird. I've been called a faux alpha a lot. Lots of alphas trying to check if I- If I am one," Shiro admits.

Keith trills softly. "I'm sorry, Shiro. God, I didn't know—"

Shiro looks up and shakes his head. "How could you know? It's okay."

It's not okay. That's horrible.

"It's okay if... if you like it?" Shiro's voice is so small.

Keith nods eagerly. "Yes! Yes, oh- I like it. I like how you smell. It's not overwhelming or overpowering. It's faint and nice. Shiro, you smell good."

_A good alpha. Your alpha._

Shiro's smile grows big, looking like a puppy who just got the promise of a treat. It's so endearing.

"You- I know so much about you. About your struggles with alphas. I can't say I know what it feels like, but I’ve had my own experiences even _as_ an alpha. I know it's not easy. And especially someone like you suffers so much under the disrespectful manners and attitudes of alphas. I just want to prove to you that... that eventually you can trust me," Shiro babbles.

Keith waits for him to finish.

"I don't need your touch. I don't need to..." Shiro bites his lip. "I don't need to spend your heat with you. Or declare it to the world. I just want to make your life the best it can be," the alpha says.

Keith tears up a little.

"I don't need to bond with you either, if it's scary. I just... I like you Keith. And I want you."

Keith nods, then sniffles.

"Oh- I'm sorry, please don't cry," Shiro worries. He almost reaches out but stops himself.

"No, no I'm happy. I'm glad. They’re happy tears." The omega smiles and rubs at his face a little until he has himself under control again.

"Oh, right, okay," Shiro nods.

A deep inhale, and then Keith stretches his leg across the floor to touch Shiro's shin. His face goes pink and his heart races.

"I want it, too. I want you. But I want to learn to tend to your needs, Shiro. I want to learn to be the omega I'd like to be. For you and for myself."

Shiro looks real stunned now, gaze sliding up from Keith's yellow sock up to his face.

"Wow." He sighs, and it makes Keith chuckle.

"Okay?" Keith asks, and the alpha nods.

"Yes, yes, of course, all the yes, God, Keith."

Eventually, they move to sit in the kitchen, and Shiro scans the area carefully, recognizing things.

"You put your phone here, against the toaster when we talk," he hums.

Keith nods. "Yeah. And then I sit- oh, yeah you see that on the screen. Have a seat- um."

The chair looks way too small, like it will probably break under Shiro's weight.

"I can sit on the floor. I'm less tall and less intimidating that way," Shiro offers.

The omega shakes his head. "You're not scary, Shiro. I'm just... scared. Naturally. But it's not due to you."

Shiro smiles like a puppy again and then he sits on the carpet next to the fridge and Keith sits on his chair, grinning.

"You look so out of place. Everything here is so small compared to you."

Shiro snorts. "Oh good, I thought it's just me. I feel massive."

Keith chuckles.

"Omega furniture is cheaper and smaller. It's stupid, but I guess a fridge meant for an alpha is probably twice my size."

Shiro looks like he wants to protest, then he laughs instead.

"My fridge is about as big as I am."

"See! And I can't even reach your face!"

They both stop at that and blush.

That's right. Even on tiptoes, Keith is small. Really, he's average-sized, a normal omega male height, not abnormally petite.

Shiro's just particularly big.

Even on tiptoes, Keith would need Shiro to bend down to—

As if they had the same thought, both men glance at their feet and smile privately.

"Yeah. Eventually." Keith hums and Shiro shows him a toothy smile. Hopeful but not expectant.

* * *

When evening arrives and the sun sets, Keith grows agitated. He really doesn't want Shiro to leave now. He's so happy with him around, he isn't in pain anymore or anything. It's a totally new feeling and it's nice and good.

But if he doesn't want Shiro to go, then...

"Shiro?" The omega hums, legs twitching.

He's on his couch, while Kosmo sniffs at Shiro and nudges him gently before leaving again. The alpha looks as much like a puppy as Kosmo does. Lost, appreciating, kind. And sitting on the floor obediently.

"Yeah, Keith?"

And here it comes. If he rejects him, Keith knows it'll hurt. But if he accepts?

Gods know what happens then.

"I um... can you- I mean would you like to- no, could you—" Oh god, this is horrible, but Shiro's patient with the omega. Keith breathes and braces himself.

"Would you... maybe stay the night? If it's possible?"

Shiro looks like a truck ran him over for a moment before shaking his head violently.

"You want me to stay? In your home? You'd be okay with it?"

Keith bites his lip. It's scary, obviously. Shiro could easily overpower him. And his kindness could maybe still be a trick. But this one time, the omega wants to kick his anxiety in the face.

"Yes, please. I can pull out the couch for you," Keith offers.

"But you know the room might smell like me? I don't know if another scent might make you—"

Keith holds up his hand, and the alpha shuts up obediently. It stuns Keith. Alphas don’t usually respond to that kind of gesture from an omega.

"I like your scent. You're not scary. I trust you. And I can leave the door open, the living room is opposite to my bedroom, so we can still talk," Keith elaborates, feeling brave.

And who's Shiro to say no?

* * *

"I don't know if anything I own would fit you, but I have some very big shirts that I wear when I—" Keith hesitates, blushing. _When I feel lonely and in need of protection._

"I think that'll fit me. Thank you. Is it okay if I sleep in my boxers? Or keep my pants on?"

Keith blinks. Shiro's so considerate. Doesn't leave anything to chance, and isn't ashamed.

"No, it's fine. Jeans are uncomfortable. I have a spare toothbrush for you."

Shiro thanks him a bunch of times. It's sweet.

With fresh sheets and a few pillows, the couch looks inviting enough, and Shiro actually has enough space to get comfortable.

"Okay. Anything else?" Shiro asks. "If you need anything just tell me? Wake me up, I don't sleep too heavily."

Keith feels like he should offer that.

"No, I'm fine. Are you?"

The alpha nods, gratefully, yawns and then smiles warmly at Keith.

"Okay, Shiro. Goodnight, yeah? I'm glad you came. I- I'm happy. Y-you make me happy." He admits and goes pink for the 100th time today.

But Shiro just nods dopily.

"You make me happy too. Thank you for letting me close. And letting me be around you. I enjoy your company a lot, Keith."

The raven-haired nods, rubbing his eyes fiercely.

"Goodnight, Keith, sleep well," Shiro says, and then crawls under the sheets.

Keith turns off the light and stands in the door frame for a second, lingering.

_One day. One day you'll be able to have this like you want it._

But really, what's stopping him?

_Shiro is safe. Safe, safe safe, safe alpha, good alpha. His alpha._

It's like a small voice inside him keeps trying to tell Keith: No. Be wary. Be cautious. You know you can't have good things like this.

Keith sleeps in his own bed that night. It feels weird, even if it shouldn't. He's literally spent all his life alone in his own bed.

By himself. So what's different now?

Shiro is.

* * *

Despite the fact that Shiro isn't all that close, he’s still nearby. Keith sleeps better than he ever has.

He also sleeps quite long. When the omega blinks his eyes open, there's light streaming into his bedroom already.

There's Shiro's faint scent from where he sat on the floor the day before, and Keith smiles, remembering.

And then he panics, because it's already past eleven and Shiro's probably awake and bored and _I need to tend to my alpha-_

Keith basically sprints out of his bedroom, but he doesn’t find Shiro in his living room. The couch is back into its usual state, no sheets. If it wasn't for Shiro's intense but welcome scent, it would have seemed the alpha had never really been here at all.

But now that he's on the hallway, he both hears music and smells something that wakes his stomach.

 _Breakfast_. Breakfast and his alpha.

Slowly, Keith moves toward the kitchen, and there is Shiro, flipping pancakes and humming to the song his radio plays, unbothered.

It's so domestic, Keith’s whole body reacts and it feels like adrenaline but happy and good.

Shiro notices Keith, turning on his heel and grinning.

"Good morning. Sorry, you didn't respond so I guessed you were asleep and then... I got bored. So I made pancakes!"

The omega feels dizzy for a second and then he opens his mouth like a fish, closes it again and then just stares.

"Oh... don't you like pancakes?" The alpha sounds disappointed, and that's the very last thing Keith wants.

"I love pancakes!" He basically yells and Shiro blinks twice.

"Sorry. Um," Keith tugs his shoulders up to his ears in shame but Shiro just gives him a teasing smile.

"Okay, Mr Pancake-Enthusiast. Take a chair and get comfortable while your personal chef makes you a five-star breakfast."

Keith snorts. "Chef? I thought you did social work,"

"Upupup. We do not criticize my work here." Shiro huffs and lifts his chin slightly, making Keith laugh into his hand.

"Alright. No criticism. What else can you cook, then?"

He swears Shiro's ears turn a tad darker.

"Um... I am an expert with the microwave?"

Keith's mouth hangs open. Then he starts laughing, wiping at his eyes.

"Oh my god!" he chuckles.

Shiro pouts. "What? What's so funny?"

"You can't cook!" Keith snorts and doubles over.

"Hey no! I said I can use my microwave!" the alpha protests.

"Shiro, microwaving pre-cooked meals is not cooking at all."

"It isn't? I swear it is," Shiro argues and then fills two plates with the pancakes he made, serving one to Keith.

Keith's laughter dies the second Shiro's metal arm brushes his shoulder and he gasps.

"Sorry," Shiro stands frozen in place.

Keith, too, is frozen. But he shakes his head slowly. "No. No, it's okay. Here." His hand trembles, but he gently lays it on Shiro's wrist. The metal isn't icy cold.

Shiro wets his lips.

"I can feel this." Shiro says nervously.

 _Oh_.

Keith considers it. Firms his grip a little, rubs a thumb over his forearm in fascination.

"K-Keith," Shiro says. The omega pulls his hand back. "Sorry. Thank you for the breakfast. Let's eat?"

Shiro exhales. "Yeah. Okay." He proceeds to sit on the carpet again.

Something in Shiro's scent changes over the time they eat, but Keith doesn't feel like pointing it out.

And Shiro doesn't either.

"I should've told you about the arm. I'm sorry if it's weird. Don't feel obligated to touch or like it." The alpha says in between chewing.

Keith frowns.

"What about it? It's your arm. There's nothing weird about it," he argues.

Shiro looks up, frustrated.

"Keith, I'm a cripple." His voice breaks.

The omega stands up.

"No. Don't fucking say that, don't you dare, Shiro. You're not a cripple. You're not."

He squats down in front of the alpha, his mild anger fueling his bravery.

"You're kind and smart and funny. You're amazing. You calm me. You're... you're beautiful, Shiro. You're safe and the best alpha anyone could ask for."

Gently, he takes the prosthetic hand into his own.

Both men hold their breath.

Keith's heart hammers in his chest.

"It's a part of you and I like it like all other parts, Shiro. I like you as you. Not in spite of."

Shiro nods, eyes looking glassy. "I like you too, Keith."

The omega nods and lets go, making to stand up again when Shiro's scent grows more prominent. It's… intense. Sweet, but also musky. Like sweat, but not disgusting.

* * *

"Shiro, are you okay?"

"Hmm? Yeah."

They're in the living room again, closer than yesterday. Shiro looks… soft. And a little out of it. It's cute, but it's weird.

"Your scent. It's stronger. Sweeter. And you... look... um." Keith can't describe it, but apparently him noticing makes Shiro snap out of it.

"Oh fuck," he curses and Keith frowns.

"What? What is it, Shiro?"

The alpha stands up, bares his teeth a little and Keith whimpers, suddenly scared. What the hell is wrong?

"Talk to me, you're scaring me, Shiro. Please," he begs the alpha.

"I thought I'd have it under control, but I think you're triggering it," Shiro says.

Confused and hurt, Keith gets up too.

"What? I'm triggering what? Am I hurting you?"

Shiro shakes his head. "No, Keith, God no. You're not. It's just coming early. Too early. I think I should leave."

Keith's mind runs wild. What comes early? Why leave?

_Don't leave me, alpha!_

He gives an upset trill and it makes Shiro turn towards Keith. And shit, he's so big. And scary. And smells so good.

But his alpha looks so hurt.

"Keith... Keith, I'm pre-rut."

The whole world suddenly collapses in on itself when those words reach Keith's ears.

To be honest, Keith hadn't expected to have this kind of argument with Shiro. At least not right now. He's gotten into a defensive, anxious stance.

"What do you mean, you're pre-rut, Shiro?" He asks and points a threatening finger up at the alpha.

"I- It's not like that, Keith!" Shiro tries to defend, and takes a step closer.

Involuntarily, Keith growls at him with bared fangs. It stuns the taller male.

"How is it then? You- you abuse my trust, to come into my home? _Pre rut?_ Are you perhaps short of a marble?" Keith is very loud.

"No! No, Keith- look, I had it under control. It's not like this."

Keith snarls.

"Under control. Rut. You're just like them!" Keith yells, and it makes Shiro basically fall in on himself.

The omega's anger dies down at the sight.

"Shiro-"

"No, no you're right. I'm so sorry."

"Shiro!"

The alpha slowly sits on the floor again, bowing his head low.

Keith does feel a bit safer again.

"I'm sorry, Keith. I'm stupid."

The omega shakes his head. "No. Just... I'm sorry. Please, explain. I'll listen."

Shiro nods, slowly.

"I had it under control. I'm good at suppressing rut attitude. And mine isn't an aggressive type. I just... you sounded so happy when you asked me to come meet you. I couldn't say no. And when you asked me to stay the night..."

Keith nods. He feels like a dick.

Cautiously, Keith approaches and sits on the coffee table in front of Shiro.

"You didn't want to say no," he concludes and the alpha just nods.

"I know, I'm stupid for it. I'm sorry, Keith. But your- your scent and the touch, and everything about you, it... kickstarted me."

Keith, well. He gets it. He was the same with his heat. Shiro just had this... effect on him. And after all, the alpha helped him get off, too.

He shouldn't shame Shiro at all, the man hasn't ever done anything wrong to Keith.

Keith doubts Shiro ever would.

"Okay. Okay. We're good. Okay?" Keith says and the alpha perks up, hopeful.

"I- yes. Okay. Do you want me to leave? I can drive home. We can call instead. You don't need to endure me."

Keith opens his mouth to agree but he finds himself not minding.

"How... how does your rut go?"

Shiro shrugs. "I’m not sure. I usually don't remember, but I know I stay home and I don't break things or get loud. I suppose it's not bad."

Keith nods.

"Do you..." Oh Gods, he has to swallow. Think, think, do you really want to offer this?

Yes. He does.

"Do you want to spend it here?"

Shiro suddenly starts coughing wildly, and Keith is so tempted to pat his back, but he doesn't dare.

"You're kidding, right? I mean, Keith, come on. My rut. That's fucking insane and dangerous and I'm such a typical, idiotic alpha!"

"Yeah. I agree," Keith hums, then moves to sit right in front of Shiro.

The alpha breathes fast. Faster than Keith.

"Then why?" The taller starts but doesn't finish.

"Well, because I'm also insane, and stupid, and I really like you. And I want you to stay, Shiro," the omega says.

It's batshit crazy. Insane. He's wreaking havoc.

But he _wants_. Wants his alpha to stay. Rut or not.

Shiro just stares at Keith, eyes darting left and right as if scanning Keith like a barcode.

"Stay, Shiro. Please."

And Shiro? He just exhales and then nods.

* * *

"Okay, so... what do you need for your rut? Do you uh... need space?" Keith asks when they've both recovered from their argument.

"I don't really know? I think it'll hit tonight. And then I just... spend four or five days without remembering too much," Shiro shrugs.

Keith hums, then tugs out his phone to ask Google for an answer. The results make him blush, then gag.

"Kay, nope. We'll find this out ourselves. Let's see... we can make you a nest. School taught me that couples spend..."

 _Couples_.

He really just said that.

The alpha seems equally stunned but clears his throat. "Yeah, we can try a nest, if you don't mind."

They end up dragging sheets, pillows, blankets and a few clothes to the living room, moving the coffee table to the side and pulling out the couch to drop everything there.

"So, um... how do you make a nest?" Keith asks, dumbly.

"I don't... know? I mean I watched some of my clients do it, but I think it's an individual process. Maybe that's something for

."

Keith exhales. "Alright, okay. So what do we do until then?"

* * *

They make dinner together.

Shiro cuts vegetables and meat, Keith is busy with the saucepan and noodles. It feels domestic, but inside his head?

A mix of fear and anger.

The omega has no idea how tomorrow will go.

He doesn't expect Shiro to rape him, but... alpha rut is alpha rut.

"Ow, hot," Shiro gasps and the forkful he just shoved into his mouth drops back on the plate.

"Blow, Shiro. It's literally right out of the pan."

The alpha grumbles softly from where he's seated on the carpet, but does as told. It makes Keith sad that he sits down there. But he also doesn't know how else to handle all this. It's... a lot. And he can't do it all by himself.

"Do you think you'll be able to sleep tonight, at least?" Keith hums and gazes down at the alpha as he basically inhales his dinner before looking up to meet Keith's eyes.

"I guess. I hope so," Shiro answers and Keith nods. Why is time dragging on so much? He fears the next day as much as he wants to experience it. He feels like he can take it.

* * *

"Okay, Shiro. Water is on the table, you've got blankets and my door is open. I hope you'll sleep well," Keith sighs and watches Shiro wiggle his way under the sheets before slumping into the many pillows.

"Smells like you," the alpha says, satisfied. Keith blushes. "Y-yeah."

"Goodnight, Shiro," he wishes, and then turns to stalk off to his own bed.

Shiro's hushed _Goodnight, Omega_ was too far away for Keith to hear his rut-dripping voice.

He needs... quite some time to fall asleep. Keith is scared. But eventually he manages. And he isn't out of line to worry, not at all. This complicates all of his plans. To go slow. To adjust and make his way at his own pace.

It's not like Shiro _asked_ to stay. Keith's body just... wanted it. So he asked his alpha to stay. Maybe he doesn't need some restrictive, cautious pace.

He needs Shiro.

* * *

When the omega wakes in a cold sweat, it's because in his dream he was being touched. He didn’t want it.

When Keith blinks his eyes open, adjusting to the dark, there's no one there.

Aside from a faint snoring sound not far away, coming from the floor the floor.

Shuffling closer to the edge, he finds Shiro lying on the carpet with an arm as a pillow, happily dosing.

He looks sweaty and is radiating... a weird scent. It's not like that rut scent from his attackers. That had been unwelcome and threatening.

Shiro's scent is... polite?

It's stronger, yes. And sweeter. But not pushing or luring. It's actually really enjoyable.

Aside from all that, Shiro looks fine. Not in pain.

"Shiro?"

The man jolts awake at his name being said. Or maybe at Keith's voice. Or both.

He peers up and over to Keith, then visibly relaxes his body.

"Omega." It makes Keith shudder. Not unpleasantly. Unexpected. After all, he calls Shiro alpha too, in his head.

"Alpha," he answers and shit, Shiro starts purring.

"Omega... okay?" He asks.

It's all the confirmation Keith needs to know that yes, Shiro is definitely getting into his rut.

Somehow it's less scary than he thought. In fact, it's cute.

"I'm okay, Shiro. And you slept okay?" Shiro blinks but then just nods with a dazed smile.

"Omega... hungry?" Shiro asks next. As if on cue, Keith's stomach rumbles. "Yeah, a little. I can

"

When Shiro gets up to his feet, Keith almost suffers a heart attack.

Did he... grow? In height? God he looks bigger. Much bigger.

But as tall as he is, he's hunching, too. He's hiding his prosthetic and pouting. Shiro is vulnerable.

And Keith can only take an angry guess that the alpha has been hurt too many times.

"Oh, Shiro--"

"Don't look... arm bad. Not good. Not good for omega. Bad alpha."

It breaks Keith's heart.

"No, that's not true. Your arm doesn't make you bad. It doesn't decrease your worth, Shiro. You're amazing."

The alpha looks hopeful.

"Come on, big guy. We can make breakfast together."

Shiro nods and watches Keith get up without approaching. He doesn’t move in general.

"Are you okay?" Keith's eyes scan over him and--

"Oh."

Shiro whines softly and bows his head in shame. "Sorry." He mumbles.

Shiro is... rock-hard in his boxer shorts.

Keith swallows nervously.

"Does it hurt? At all?"

Shiro shakes his head. Then reluctantly nods.

* * *

In the kitchen, Shiro watches from over where he stands as Keith gets things ready for making omelettes. It's cute. As if he's guarding Keith somehow.

Until Keith takes out a sharp knife to cut the pepper and Shiro barely suppresses a growl.

"What is it, Shiro?"

Shiro takes a step closer but keeps distance for Keith.

"Knife."

Keith frowns before understanding. The alpha doesn't want him to get hurt.

"Do you want to cut the vegetables? Like yesterday?"

"Yes." Shiro seems relaxed once he's busy cutting cubes.

Keith hums and preheats his pan, taking eggs from the fridge.

Once the alpha is done chopping, Keith makes up his mind.

"Come here, you can crack the eggs too."

Dazed as he is, the alpha just walks over and follows Keith's instruction.

"Gently hit the egg. Don't smash it."

Shiro definitely smashes the first two eggs and he looks quite upset, but his third try works fine so he smiles again.

"Now, salt and pepper... good, now use the spatula... you're doing so well, Shiro," Keith praises.

The omega doesn't want to admit it, but... taking care of an alpha in rut— taking care of Shiro? He welcomes it. It means he doesn't need to be scared of Shiro taking care of him, of feeling belittled and weak.

Like this, Shiro depends a little on Keith because he allowed him to spend his rut with Keith.

Sure, the not-dying-down-erection makes Keith nervous, but the alpha doesn't even try to act upon it. He's actually—

Shiro almost looks embarrassed. He tries to hide it, and the itch it makes him feel.

Keith feels safe enough, really.

For the most part, he can ignore it.

"Okay, now serve. Lift the pan like that, good- not so high. Now use the spatula and- good, very good."

Keith has no idea of what an alpha rut looks like but this isn't what he had expected at all. It's terribly adorable. Charming, somehow.

The praise makes Shiro let go of a noise Keith learnt about as a teenager in sex ed but never heard in real life..

The alpha yips. It's basically like Keith's trill. A sound of delight, excitement.

Keith's heart feels full.

"Good boy. Come on, let's sit."

Immediately, Shiro steers for the carpet.

"No, no, come on, big guy, we can sit on my balcony."

Keith heads that way, and Shiro follows like a lost puppy, ducking to fit through doorframes. Shiro definitely grew. Is that a rut trait? Hell if Keith knows.

"Here we are. Take a pillow, and then we can sit."

Shiro obediently slumps down and then hands Keith his fork.

Confused, the omega takes it and just like that Shiro inhales his omelette in one piece.

Keith... Keith hands him his own plate.

"Omega... eat," Shiro refuses, but the raven-haired chuckles.

"Later. You must be hungry. C'mon, Shiro, you can have it."

So the alpha takes it and happily swallows the omelette whole.

* * *

Shiro takes all their dirty dishes and washes them for Keith, even after the omega complained that he shouldn’t do that.

In the midst of everything, Shiro pauses several times. Keith can almost see the pain wash over him.

The rut erection must hurt.

Like Keith hurts daily from his condition.

"Thank you for helping, Shiro. That's very thoughtful of you."

The alpha yips again and then approaches.

Keith's heart stops and he's ready in an instant to defend himself against Shiro if necessary, but the alpha just squats down in front of the Keith’s stool and tilts his head.

"Help... make nest?" The omega exhales all of his tension at the request.

Now here the two men are.

Keith is still on edge,anxious in his bones, but he's also happy and even eager to assist.

He watches Shiro move around. He puts shirts and pillows into a more or less oval formation, like an outline.

Then he puts blankets into the middle, overlapping the small borders.

Shiro proceeds to drape a few scent-strong shirts of Keith’s over the pillows for his head.

No.

For their heads. Two staples.

Keith swallows nervously.

The alpha rearranges and tugs at the nest still, seemingly unhappy with something.

"What's missing, big boy? I'll fetch it for you."

Shiro frowns. "No missing. My arm." He turns so that Keith is facing the metal prosthetic.

"What about your arm, Shiro? I told you it's okay. You—"

The taller man shakes his head. "No. Uncomfortable. Help take off?"

 _Oh_.

"Of course. How do I take it off?"

Shiro's explanation isn’t very clear, but when Keith hears a click, the alpha male purrs contentedly.

The arm itself is... very heavy. Keith almost drops forward with the weight of it before lowering it to the floor.

"Alright, there you go. You wanna lie in your nest, Shiro?" the omega asks, smiling.

For a moment, neither move or speak and Keith grows concerned.

"Omega... like nest?" Shiro asks in a tiny voice.

"O- of course, Shiro. It looks cozy."

Is that what he’s supposed to say? _Gods_.

"Then... why omega not lie down?"

Keith swallows. His heart rate picks up. Is this it? Will Shiro... take him? Is he supposed to say yes? _Fuck_.

He isn't prepared for this at all.

But his instinct pushes him to dip down and sit in one corner of the nest his alpha made.

_Fuck Fuck Fuck._

Slowly, the alpha comes closer. Keith feels numb. He also feels like imploding.

Shiro's scent is everywhere. And he's close close close coming closer oh god he'll do it, he'll do it, alpha alpha alpha--

He can still see the outline of Shiro's erection. It's so big- so, so big.

"Shiro I—"

The man's face is a few inches from Keith's. On all fours, Shiro is still massive. Keith closes his eyes.

"Okay, okay I accept. Just please- please don't hurt me."

The brutal grip he fears never comes. Instead, there's suddenly weight in his lap.

"Shiro—"

The alpha rolls into a ball, arm in a gentle hold around Keith's waist.

Shiro is still rock hard. But he doesn't advance. He's just purring and nuzzling Keith's legs, as if he's just enjoying Keith's omega scent there.

In Shiro's nest, Keith stays. Safe.

* * *

If you would've asked Keith two months ago where he saw his life taking him, the omega would have stared at you with a blank expression, trying to hide his fear.

For all his life, Keith never planned things. Everything can change so fast, and it was easier to just adapt to it how it came.

Growing up, Keith lived a happy few years with his mama and papa, both taking care of him wonderfully.

Until his eighth birthday, life was peaceful.

But with growing up also means that his body, his _sex_ is ripening.

At eight, Keith knows he's an omega.

At eight, his life changes for the worse.

On one hand, chronic disease from his mother. On the other hand, his body reacting defensively towards his dad— to the point that Krolia had to take Keith and move out since the boy kept having nightmares, tantrums, panic attacks.

At eight, Keith lost contact with his father.

At ten, he attends his father’s funeral.

He died honorably, they said, in the line of duty.

Throughout kindergarden and elementary school, the omega attends same-sex institutions. It helped settle him as his body was changing, gave him time to adapt to his medication and even make friends.

But then Keith entered middle school, a mixed school, and things got worse, far worse.

Keith was bullied daily. He tried to defend himself, but not even his mother could help.

_A single omega woman, what is she gonna do to my alpha child? They're just having fun! Eventually Keith will need to accept that he has to submit to alpha wishes. It's just a fun lesson!_

The bullying continued in high school, to the point that he was borderline scared of any alpha. But it gets worse, again.

When Keith turns sixteen, he's supposed to go off his medication and mate during his fertile season. But Keith's disease makes him unable to do so. The omega has to stay on suppressants, but he can still bond with an alpha if he desires. Which he does eventually, in college.

Sadly, they all just... wanted to bang. A quick thing, no strings attached. There were omegas with omegas, too, and alphas with alphas. No one judged.

But Keith? He just wanted that one mate for life. Not just sex.

And he wanted an alpha, too. For once he wants someone else to care for him. For once he wants to feel safe, protected. Like he once had with his father.

It stays a dream unfulfilled.

When Keith's fertile season ends, interest in him decreases down to... zero.

Keith tries still to find a mate, for a few months more. But he gets turned down. Once. Twice.

After what is maybe his 100th turndown, Keith... gives up on dating. At twenty-six, the omega falls into old age omega pain.

Sweating. Panic attacks. Increased blood pressure. Anxiety. Insomnia.

His doctor says this will stay unless he finds an alpha to be close to. Sex or a direct bond is possibly not necessary, but intimacy is.

At twenty-seven, Keith is fed up with how he feels and signs up for the Alpha Service System.

At twenty-seven, Keith meets an alpha that is a "100% match to his needs."

At twenty-seven, the omega sits in a nest Shiro has made for them in his rut.

"... Sorry for telling you all this. It's probably boring," Keith mutters.

Shiro doesn't reply in words, but he just nuzzles Keith's thigh with his nose as if trying to reassure the omega.

They're touching. Oh Gods, they're touching. Shiro's arm around him. His head in Keith's lap.

For some reason, Keith expected this to feel more uncomfortable. Or unwanted. He expected his body to light on fire or the world to explode simply from another alpha laying a hand on him.

He didn't expect himself to trill and scratch Shiro's skull gently.

_I'm touching him._

_I'm touching you, Shiro._

The alpha male yips and licks over the bare skin that Keith's red shorts reveal.

Keith goes hot and red and rigid for a moment, but then he relaxes and even smiles.

His eyes find Shiro's prosthetic arm. Whatever happened to his alpha isn't light baggage. Shiro has suffered just like Keith. And maybe that's why they just... click so easily. Not despite but because.

"You've been hurt too, haven't you?" Keith asks.

Shiro gives a satisfied noise when the omega scratches behind his ear and his leg twitches.

"Don't worry. No one will hurt you again. I'm here now, Shiro."

"Omega," the taller man whispers, and Keith nods.

"Alpha."

And it feels like everything is in place. It feels like for once Keith knows what he wants for his future. The raven-haired wants Shiro in every way possible. Like this. Like he's been the past two months.

Keith wants Shiro.

He wants this alpha to be his partner for life.

But for that, they technically need two physical things.

One, clearly, is mating. Keith doesn't feel ready for it right now though, and Shiro doesn't seem to mind even if he's still hard, despite his half-awake, half-sleeping state at the moment.

Two, is a bond mark. A bite.

Keith's never been bitten. Not even for play fights or when he was younger to test his fangs.

The omega swallows and strokes down to Shiro's cheek, thumb feeling over his dry lips.

He's so warm. _Is he okay? Is it too warm?_

But Shiro looks happy enough. Keith exhales.

Very gently, he presses his thumb on the alpha's upper lip and shoves the flesh aside, opening Shiro's mouth.

The man doesn't move, and Keith reveals his two sets of upper fangs, both filed flat. They might be less intimidating like this but-

But they are still huge teeth.

Evenually, Keith decides and pulls his hand away.

Shiro whimpers at the loss and blinks.

"Sorry, Shiro, don't wake up, just go back to lying down."

The alpha obeys, snuggling into Keith's lap and going still.

Keith's heart is racing. How does that even work? Does he just... ask Shiro to bite him? Or mark him? Shit, does the alpha even want this? The bond? Shiro had said he wouldn't need it, but would he want it?

Keith nervously continues to card his fingers through white hair.

Maybe he should take the first step and mark Shiro. But maybe that would enrage the alpha.

The longer Keith worries, the more time passes. After a good while, Shiro stirs. Keith bites his lip.

"Hey, big guy. Sleep okay? I mean, if you slept. I couldn't tell."

The alpha pops his lips all sleepy and small-eyed before his nostrils flare a little.

"Omega?" Shiro asks. Keith nods, a little thankful for the loss of touch.

A little upset, too.

"Yes, alpha."

Shiro looks lost in his thoughts, then finally faces Keith.

It hits Keith how beautiful he is in that very moment. There's dried drool in the corner of Shiro's mouth, his hair is mussed up like the petals of an abused flower and his pupils are blown wide.

He supports his weight on one arm and just blinks at Keith like a cat trying to say I like you over and over again. The warm light streaming into the room makes the alpha even prettier.

He also smells intensely of popcorn and candy now and also something musky and sweaty.

"Pee," the alpha murmurs and Keith forgets his train of thought.

"Huh?" he asks.

"Pee," Shiro repeats and starts to look uncomfortable.

"O- oh right. You can just go?"

Shiro shakes his head. "No. No omega alone. Come with me."

Keith's entire face turns red up to his ears.

"You- in the bathroom? But- you don't need me to like, watch?" He spits out, suddenly tense.

Shiro blinks in response and gets to his feet, wincing a little. The erection must really be uncomfortable. Keith wishes he could do something.

Now that they're both standing, Keith notices again that Shiro has grown at least a few inches due to his rut. Keith’s nose barely reaches the underside of the alpha's pecs.

"Okay, come on, this way."

Shiro trots after Keith like a dog.

In front of the bathroom door, Keith halts and steps to the side so Shiro can enter and have his privacy for a few minutes. But Shiro pouts at Keith and stops where he stopped, right outside the bathroom.

"Oh, Shiro. I'm sure you can do this yourself. We can leave the door ajar, okay?"

That finally convinces the tall alpha and he makes to enter Keith's small bathroom.

He leaves the door cracked a few inches. It's enough to still hear each other and to pick up on each other's scent.

Keith listens to Shiro wash his hands once he's done, and then the tap turns off. He doesn’t move to leave, it’s just… quiet.

"Shiro? You okay in there?"

When the other doesn't reply, Keith worries and pushes the door open.

Shiro stands in front of the mirror, a scowl on his face as he looks himself up and down.

Keith stands next to him. From here, they can both see their bodies from hips upwards.

Shiro whimpers. The omega can only guess why. And he feels like he should change it.

"Look at you, Shiro. Look how strong you are. And tall. Look at your eyes. They're so pretty. You're pretty. And no scar or missing parts will ruin that for me. You're beautiful. A good mate. A perfect alpha."

Shiro still pouts. So, Keith takes his flesh hand and holds it up between them.

Both men look at it in the mirror.

"I'm small. And not so strong. You'd protect me, wouldn't you?"

Shiro yips.

"I'm pretty to you too, right? As you are to me."

Shiro yips again.

"You're missing your arm. But your prosthetic isn't bad. You're not bad, you're not a bad alpha, Shiro. You've got so many qualities, too many to put in words. I wouldn't choose anyone over you. Would you? Over me?"

Shiro turns to face Keith and then suddenly everything moves too fast. The alpha is crowding him against the bathroom door that falls shut loudly.

They're still holding hands, but Keith's heart and breath are racing. Shiro exhales and he's _close close close._

"Omega... likes?"

Keith nods sharply. And then his need to comfort Shiro overpowers his fear. He untwines their hands and instead holds open his arms.

Shiro looks concerned. "Okay?"

Keith nods again. "Okay."

Shiro slumps forward into Keith's body.

Keith doesn't light on fire. The world doesn't explode.

Shiro is warm and huge and he holds Keith gently. Not like he's fragile, but not crushing him either. He hears and feels Shiro's purring erupt from his chest. It makes Keith relax all his muscles. Shiro holds him up.

Slowly, the smaller reaches to hold onto Shiro's broad back. One hand. Two hands. He grips Shiro's shirt tightly.

"Omega... omega... my omega," Shiro hums and then Keith's eyes start to water and he starts to cry. Here he is, at last. Twenty-seven and in the arms of an alpha.

alpha. And for the first time in his life, Keith feels proud to be an omega.

He sniffles audibly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm your omega, Shiro," he sobs and smiles at the same time, still holding onto the taller man.

"Your... alpha?" Shiro asks and noses Keith's ear.

"Yeah. You're my alpha."

Happy, Shiro yips, and then proceeds to sweep Keith off his feet in one strong arm.

Shocked, the omega yelps and clings to Shiro with hands and feet, heels pressing into the small of Shiro's back.

If the alpha minds at all, it doesn't show. He just... continues to purr.

And Keith keeps on crying.

He doesn't feel unsafe. Or scared. Anxious. Intimidated. Threatened. Angry. Keith feels all his pain and bad feelings ebb away while Shiro holds him and then begins to walk back to the living room.

All Keith feels is his alpha's warmth. And the heat of his tears.

He feels himself smile. Melt. He feels his body relax. Keith feels... happy. Safe.

"Shh. No cry. Omega safe," Shiro hums and it makes the smaller laugh softly.

"I know, Shiro. It's good tears. You know? Happy crying. I'm happy."

Shiro hums again. "Omega happy."

When they're back in the living space, Shiro doesn't approach the nest he's made. He walks over to the space behind the pull-out couch and starts to rock Keith cautiously. Moves his feet.

The omega blinks his tears away.

"Are you- Are we dancing, Shiro?" he asks, amused.

The alpha just hums in response and Keith snickers into his neck.

Shiro's neck.

_Neck bite neck bite alpha bite him make him a mark bond him he's your alpha-_

Keith huffs and just lays his head on the other man's shoulder again.

 _Later_.

~ * ~

Later, they sit on the balcony again, closer than this morning. They watch city lights blink and listen to night sounds echo.

Keith's leg touches Shiro's.

No burning up. No exploding. Just warm and good and content.

His alpha purrs as Keith shows him places he knows from up here.

"... That's the post office. I buy groceries down... there," Keith explains.

Shiro munches his dinner sandwich and listens. When they're both done eating, the small space seems... very hot suddenly.

Maybe it's Keith's perception.

Maybe it's the heat Shiro radiates.

Maybe it's the sudden boredom.

Maybe it's their bodies.

Maybe it's Shiro's heat.

Maybe it's just the moment.

The alpha leans towards Keith and the omega gasps, falling backwards on his elbows.

"Okay?" Shiro asks nervously and licks his lips.

_Thump thump thump._

Alpha my alpha he's close he wants- what does he want? Keith doesn't know, doesn't—

Care.

"Okay," Keith agrees and his eyes flutter shut.

A moment passes, and nothing happens. Then soft and warm press to his mouth.

Keith's world stills. But again, nothing life-threatening happens. His body doesn't fail him and he's not in danger. He's not scared.

Excited, yes. Nervous, yes. Happy and curious, yes.

The omega kisses back, and it has Shiro purring happily again.

What wouldn't he do for Shiro?

A hand feels over Keith's cheek and tousles his dark hair. Their kiss doesn't break. And Shiro doesn't push further than Keith allows.

With a little gasp, Keith parts his lips. It’s instinct. A tongue starts exploring his mouth.

Keith moans softly but lets Shiro taste. He's receiving only, unsure on how to operate. But it's fine. Shiro knows. And it’s fine like this, too. The tongue feels over Keith's sharp fangs.

Then Shiro pulls back for them both to breathe.

"Omega," the taller exhales and Shiro's pupils are dilated and hazy and—

Keith's knees twitch.

"Yeah?" Keith whispers.

"Keith," Shito corrects and Keith swears he's going to cry all over again.

* * *

When Keith grows tired and the alpha obviously does, too, he walks Shiro back to his nest.

"Okay, big boy. Ready to sleep? You look sleepy. Ready to pass out, hm?" Keith chuckles.

The memories of today will be burned into Keith's memory. It's so much. And it makes him incredibly happy.

Shiro gently wraps his large hand around Keith's elbow, loose enough that Keith could still pull away.

"Please stay?" Shiro asks.

Keith blinks and turns pink.

_Your alpha wants to share his nest with you._

"O- okay. I'll just- wait a second."

It's a fuss to convince Shiro to stay out of Keith's bedroom while he changes into pyjamas. And it's even harder to get Shiro to brush his teeth.

In fact, the omega brushes Shiro’s teeth for him. Soon they're back where they started. In front of the nest.

Keith pinches his own arm lightly.

"Okay?" Shiro asks and the omega smiles. "Yeah. Okay. Come on."

He crawls under the sheets atop the carefully arranged bedding, then holds the covers open for Shiro's large body.

The alpha struggles a little with his balance because of his missing arm but manages finally. They face one another, smiling.

When Keith opens his mouth to wish his partner a good night, a sudden dip of the mattress irritates him and Shiro almost growls—

It’s only Kosmo approaching them, tilting his head.

"Oh, hey there, Kosmo. You wanna cuddl—"

Keith blushes. _Cuddle_.

"Wanna lay down with us?"

Kosmo barks at the two and rolls into a ball between their thighs.

"Alright. You're all happy and good?" He checks one last time and Shiro nods in response.

"Okay, cool. Then uh... goodnight, Shiro. Sleep well."

_Holy shit. They're really doing this._

Shiro's scent is soothing, lulling, and Keith finds himself shuffling closer to Shiro's open arms before falling asleep.

The omega sleeps with a smile on his lips. It's the most restful night he's had in forever.

_Because Shiro is here. My alpha is here._

* * *

Keith wakes to movement and whining. And a... a weird scent he doesn’t recognize.

He jolts up into a sitting position and turns around to find the source of—

 _Oh_.

The movement was Shiro shuffling around. The whining came from the alpha, too.

The scent? That is also Shiro.

The alpha looks like he's in pain and it makes Keith go rigid before he gently cups the taller man's face.

"Hey, hey wake up, Shiro. It's a bad dream, I'm here."

Shiro opens his eyes, but he continues whatever is going on.

Keith pants, worry increasing steadily.

"What's wrong? What's hurting? Shiro l- what is it?"

His lower lip quivers when Shiro calls out in what seems to be pain.

"Shiro! Shiro what hurts you?" Keith is definitely panicking now.

The alpha whimpers and turns on his back, clawing at his legs and—

_Of course, you idiot._

It's the neglect of Shiro's... sexual need in rut. His hardon.

It must be terribly uncomfortable, even painful. And worse so, with an omega so close.

Keith probably worsens all of it because he isn't taking care of it. Instead, Shiro is resisting what his body needs.

But Keith he- he can't. He isn't ready. He wants to be ready for Shiro, but he isn't.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I can't, Shiro," he trills before he sobs.

God, the pained noises Shiro makes. It's too much.

"Omega? Why? Why hurt?" Shiro asks and puts his hand on Keith's knee.

"Because I can't do it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry Shiro, I—"

The alpha sits up with a guttural growl that makes Keith twitch slightly.

Shiro's hand lands on Keith's shoulder and it pushes him down into the mattress.

Keith swallows. "No, Shiro, no—"

But the alpha crawls over him anyways. On all three limbs. His erection straining.

Keith sobs harder then and tries to squirm free from where Shiro has him caged in.

"No, no—"

Shiro's scent is screaming _I'm in pain, omega._

And Keith's heart burns. All the positive feelings and touches and everything from yesterday seems to vanish.

Keith closes his eyes.

And waits. Waits for... anything to happen.

When he feels something wet at his ear, Keith trembles. But... it doesn't grow into more. Not... exactly. He feels the wet to move over his neck and then to his chin, and then to his mouth—

It's Shiro's tongue.

"Wha-What?"

"Cleaning," Shiro smiles like a kid.

"Cleaning?" Keith deflates.

"Omega salt."

Salt? Sweat, tears— Keith's lungs never filled so fast with air. Shiro wasn't- he wouldn't—

The alpha tilts his head and whimpers again in pain.

"Oh my God," Keith sighs and then cups Shiro's heated face.

"You. You absolute—"

Innocently, Shiro gazes at his omega and tries to lick at his palm before whining once more.

"Okay. Okay, maybe we can take a bath together? No more salt?" Keith offers, still recovering.

"Okay," Shiro grins and rolls off Keith easily.

Keith lies there for a second longer to catch his breath. _He literally could take you. And you'd be powerless._

Shiro's rut is hurting him while he's neglecting his needs.

But... even like this, Shiro is incredibly controlled. Considerate.

As fast as Keith's heart beats from the shock, as fast it fills with warmth.

His alpha really must like him. He's important and Shiro wouldn't ever hurt him. His body is on fire now, definitely.

* * *

Once again in the bathroom they both undress down to their boxers. Or at least, Keith does.

"No, no no NO! Shiro no, we don't take these off. You can bathe in them." Keith lets go of Shiro's wrist and the alpha just smiles. God, what is Keith doing.

Somehow, he doesn't regret this, not yet anyway. Despite his nerves

While the tub fills, he takes a scent-neutral bubble gel and lets Shiro pour the mint colored soap into the warm water.

"Okay. How do you feel, Shiro?"

The alpha exhales. "Ow."

Keith nods with furrowed brows.

"I'm sorry, big guy. I really am. But I'll do anything else that helps, okay?"

Shiro nudges Keith with his shoulder, and Keith nudges back gently. "I've got your back, I promise," the omega mutters and then tests the water's temperature.

"Perfect. Okay, come on."

Apparently Shiro has either never bathed in his life, which seems impossible, or he's just really rut-clumsy because half of the water sloshes over the edge as he wades in.

"Ah- Shiro no- Shiro no!"

The alpha finds the shower head and proceeds to spray water... absolutely anywhere that may have been dry before.

Delighted, Shiro yips and gives back the shower head once he drenched the whole room.

"You're a menace. Like a kid." But it's endearing, so the omega finally dips into the tub, too.

They face each other at first, but Shiro doesn't look too happy about that.

"What do you need, Shiro?" Keith hums. He feels so tiny like this. Exposed, naked. But it also feels... good?

"Omega... wash," Shiro asks simply. And how could Keith deny him such a sweet thing? If it helps him, then... of course.

He turns around so his back faces Shiro, then shuffles back and back until he hits the alpha's chest. Shiro exhales and the omega feels it against his hairline.

A more animalistic noise escapes Shiro then.

It's... it's wow.

Keith bows his head a little, not sure if he's fearing the noise or liking it. He swallows.

"Okay. You can- can wash me."

Shiro hums and then the raven-haired feels big palms on his hair and it's not long before the spray of the showerhead hits him.

Shiro massages shampoo in his long locks once Keith hands him the bottle. The omega has to admit that it's a very welcome feeling. His hair had been pretty oily before.

There's a weird feeling in his chest, a mix between a hiccup and heartburn, and it wants out, so Keith opens his mouth. Nothing comes until he closes his mouth again.

Keith is purring. And Shiro joins him while he idly washes Keith's hair.

After a while though, his hands travel south. And south. To his neck, shoulders.

"Ah-" Keith moans when he feels warm hands over his chest disappearing to his back.

"Omega clean," Shiro declares and pulls away.

The sudden loss of touch makes Keith pout. He turns to face Shiro.

The taller looks... more feral than before. But not less controlled.

"Omega," Shiro says in that deep voice and Keith swears it does things to him.

"Alpha," He replies.

Then something happens that Keith would have feared not too long ago. Something he doesn’t fear now. He feels prepared now.

The time with Shiro has proven to Keith that he really wants the alpha. And Shiro wants the omega too.

The alpha eyes his throat and slightly drops his jaw as if to make room for fangs. That Shiro doesn't have since they're filed down. Maybe it's instinct?

The taller man licks his lips, but upon noticing he's been caught Shiro whimpers and turns his face away.

"Hey, it's okay Shiro." With gentle hands, he turns Shiro's head back to face himself.

"Would you... like to mark me?"

Keith's heart races for way too many reasons.

Shiro looks hesitant but finally nods.

"Sorry..." The alpha whispers and sinks into the water.

Keith smiles.

Thinks.

"You know, two months ago I would have laughed if someone told me I'd end up here today." The omega hums. "But today? I think... I think I should say fuck it. Because for once I want this. And I want you, Shiro."

The taller man's face lights up.

"I want you this way. I- I'm your omega. And whatever happens, I know it'll be okay with you. So... please? Please mark me."

Shiro makes another guttural sound that crawls up Keith’s spine. It... does a thing to Keith, for sure.

Then he feels a hand in his wet hair and it tugs so gently, as if there was no touch at all. Keith follows it and bares his throat for Shiro.

His heart races, and the water is running cold, but nothing can stop him from enjoying this intimate moment. No one.

"Keith sure?" The alpha asks. Keith exhales but it changes nothing.

"I'm sure, Shiro. I swear."

There's a warm breath on his neck before a weird pain shoots through Keith's body.

Shiro's fangs tear into his neck. It’s precise, careful.

Keith's eyes go hazy with bliss, feeling his entire nervous system react to the wound where his neck and shoulder meet.

Have you ever felt a bass so strong that it made your body vibrate? Or had sparkling water so strong it hurt?

His whole body feels alive with this weird buzz.

At first it feels incredibly painful, then it ebbs into something numbing and soothing. Automatically, the omega purrs.

Shiro's teeth tore easily into his skin, careful and coordinated so it wouldn't leave a large scar.

He stays like this and gently suckles at the blood that Keith's body releases.

It's cold. It's hot. It hurts. It's numb.

Keith gasps softly.

Shiro makes another inhuman sound and presses against Keith.

He feels the alpha everywhere.

It's good, Keith decides. It's good.

And as if Shiro heard, he loosens his jaw’s hold on Keith.

The loss of depth makes the omega whine in protest, the feral part inside him grabs for Shiro's face to hold him in place.

_Alpha alpha marks me alpha bond alpha-_

Eventually, Keith lets go of his alpha's face so he can slowly pull away.

He didn't expect the wounds to gush like they do. He also didn't expect it to be that deep, nor did Keith think his own blood on his skin would be so warm. He gags.

Shiro leans in again and for a heartbeat the omega expects he'll bite him a second time, though the alpha just licks the wounds clean and whines softly. "Omega hurt. Hurt omega."

Keith smiles. "It doesn't hurt, Shiro."

The second he says this, his nervous system kicks back in.

It's overwhelming, almost as bad as the internal pain he's faced from his condition.

Doubling over, Keith groans, sobs softly, his hand going to grab the wound.

Shiro catches his hand and tugs Keith into an embrace.

The water is cold but Keith feels hot.

"Make pain go away." Shiro purrs and starts gently licking the wound once more.

"Ow- Shiro- that doesn't help at all—"

And then it does. The more his tongue licks over the bite mark, the more Keith's throbbing pain stops until it's basically gone. "Cover," Shiro suggests.

"Yeah. Yeah I know. Come on, the water is cold anyways," Keith murmurs and then gets to his feet, wobbly from the sensation.

On the outside he looks barely affected but... inside his head?

_Bite mark bite mark I'm his now I belong to Shiro I'm bonded I need to return it I-_

"...ega. Omega." Shiro nuzzles Keith's hair. He had frozen, lost in thought, and has to shake himself to clear his head. "I'm here. Come on, use a towel, before you get sick."

The idea of 'towel' seems to not be appealing to Shiro for as long the sensitive bite mark is out in the open.

"Okay, I get it." Keith chuckles and dabs the area around it dry with his own towel before looking for a large enough band-aid.

"Let's see, I think I should have some... yeah here."

Shiro whimpers softly. "What's wrong? You wanna put it on me, Shiro?"

The alpha nods.

The two men find themselves in front of the large bathroom mirror, the alpha standing behind Keith.

He looks oddly soft and less tortured, so Keith hopes that the mark has put a soothing effect on his alpha for now.

For the time when he can't give Shiro what he needs.

With a gentle hand, Shiro presses the sticky parts of the band aid on Keith's shoulder, patting so cautiously that Keith doesn't even feel it until it covers the mark.

Both exhale visibly at the same time then, but stay unmoving.

Then, almost as if Shiro could sense it, Keith's spell finally breaks and the emotions catch up to him.

He falls to his knees, sobbing.

Or, well, he would have, but Shiro's already there, catching him.

His alpha is always there. And he lifts Keith carefully with his one arm, having him sit on it.

The omega has no energy to resist, and can’t find the words. All Keith does is cling to Shiro's neck and wail.

"Alpha," he sighs and gives a trill. Shiro nuzzles into his dark locks.

"Omega careful. Shoulder not good now," he scolds Keith and it makes Keith laugh despite the tears.

"Okay. I'll be careful. Pinky promise." Shiro eyes his finger all confused but then just kisses it gently.

Keith swears he'll never stop blushing over this man. Never.

And maybe it's good. Maybe it's okay. All of this is okay, and Keith wants it all so badly.

* * *

When they're both in fresh clothes— Keith had lovingly washed the one set of clothing Shiro had on him here, while the alpha sat with a blanket— the omega proposes they make something to eat since they've definitely missed breakfast by now.

Shiro purrs in answer.

They prepare together, but Shiro does the cutting since his protectiveness hasn't died down at all. Which, honestly, Keith can't exactly complain about. It's really sweet.

When he lifts the pan to put it on the stove, he almost drops it with the pain that shoots through his system.

"Shit- Fuck—" his shoulder starts throbbing again and for the moment, Keith stays in his squatting position, eyes squeezed shut.

Until popcorn and candy scent comes closer and Shiro's flesh hand reaches for the pan from behind him.

"Omega ask. I help," he scolds again.

Keith wants to protest, but instead he just sighs and nods. "Sorry, you're right. Come on, you do the cooking and I'll instruct you, okay?"

"Okay." The alpha smiles with all of his teeth.

* * *

They get ready to sleep early, mostly because Shiro is ready and looked exhausted all day Keith helps redo the nest as best as possible before he settles under the sheets, hissing when his shoulder hits the mattress.

"This shit is so hard and uncomfortable and I'm making you sleep on it." Keith frowns and watches the alpha struggle to place his large body in it properly.

Maybe he could- he should just—

"Okay, no, not doing this. Let's go, Shiro. We can move your nest to my bed, okay?"

As if Shiro had understood the meaning of that, he excitedly yips at Keith, making the omega's heart race.

Together, they move blankets and pillows and sheets to Keith's bedroom, where his own scent is most intense. It seems to soothe Shiro.

_Idiot. I-di-ot._

This time when Shiro starts to lay out their nest, Keith actually helps. He puts his favorite shirts in the middle and makes the oval look neater than it did on the couch.

He also helps laying out pillows, taking his big fluffy one to place it for them to share.

It's cozy-looking. Nice. And they made it together, like a couple.

Automatically, Keith's right hand goes up to feel the patch on his skin, smiling.

I feel it. I feel you here, Shiro.

"Come on, puppy, let's—"

His heart makes a loop. _Puppy. Alpha. Shiro. Puppy._

Shiro yips unbothered and moves to nuzzle Keith's neck, sniffing at the mark.

"You like that? Me calling you puppy?"

Another yip. Keith chuckles in delight and ruffles his hand through the alpha male's short hair. God, now that he actually can touch him, he notices how starved he had been for the touch. It's new and it still feels electric, but it isn't so scary anymore. It's welcome, especially with how gentle Shiro is.

"Okay puppy, go lie down, it's late."

_It's barely nine._

One disadvantage about his bed is that it’s smaller than the fold-out... the alpha fills it out. Completely. He shuffles around to make room, but it's impossible. Still, Shiro whimpers.

"It's okay Shiro. I'll fit... um..." Keith won't fit next Shiro. The only other option is—

Keith's face turns cherry-blossom pink. "I fit um..." He approaches the bed slowly.

On hands and knees, he climbs over Shiro.

Long legs. Still erect here. He's double Keith's width. Flexing muscles. Missing arm. A happy yip.

The omega falls into the space of Shiro's missing arm and halfway on his chest. If you'd ask him, it's worth it.

For Shiro.

The pain from his shoulder gets easier to ignore when it's for Shiro's benefit.

"Is this okay, Shiro?" He whispers and shuffles a little so their heads are both on the pillow.

"Keith. Keith good," Shiro purrs and licks at his chin to show affection.

"Thank you," he answers. Could his lip please stop quivering?

"Bite," Shiro says and then his flesh hand reaches to the patch, brushing it gently.

"Yeah, your bite, Shiro. You made it for me. I like it."

Slowly, Shiro blinks.

"Keith is my omega now."

Sue Keith for crying.

"I am. I am, Shiro. I'm your omega."

Satisfied, Shiro puts his arm around Keith's waist to hold him close.

When Keith tells him, "I will mark you too, when you're ready," the alpha is already asleep.

* * *

When Keith wakes up this time, it's due to the sunlight tickling his nose. The more he wakes up, the more he notices that his bed is moving weirdly.

It hits him that it's in fact not his bed but Shiro's chest beneath him.

Somehow during the night he must have climbed up here.

When his eyes scan the alpha's face, to his shock, he's already awake and gazing at Keith smugly.

The omega blushes. "Good morning. Sorry." Keith sits up slowly, straddling Shiro like this.

The taller man makes a _very_ pleased noise and Keith's face turns dark enough to look sick.

"I can- I should get going and uhhh... make breakfast."

He doesn't move. Shiro just keeps watching him. At some point, his hand reaches out to tug Keith forward slightly.

It's embarrassing, how easily the omega falls forward again.

Funny enough, he also barely remembers himself ever being scared of the alpha male's touch. It's safe here, held in Shiro's arm while Shiro purrs into his hair.

"Omega," he hums.

"Alpha," Keith answers and then lifts his head again. Shiro's nose and his own are an inch apart.

"Okay?" Keith breathes.

Shiro blinks at him for confirmation, and despite his heart threatening to explode, Keith brushes their lips together.

And then press. Sliding against the alpha's mouth, hand reaching to hold Shiro's face.

The alpha returns that favor, hand tangled into Keith's hair.

It's not long until they both initiate more, tasting each other, their scents mingling into something nice together.

_Home. This is what home smells like._

The omega moans shamelessly into Shiro's mouth.

He wants to cry again from how emotional all this makes him, but he seriously can't. It's nice and good and Keith's whole body reacts strangely to it, like everything is new.

It feels so good.

It feels good when Shiro's hand slides down his back to hold him there.

It still feels good when Shiro moves and makes Keith straddle one of his legs.

He's so hungry to kiss him. More and more, and when Shiro's hand dips lower to Keith's rear, the omega freezes up.

_No. I can't. No. Please._

"No?" Shiro removes his hand quickly.

"N-No. Not yet." Keith's heart is heavy.

Shiro just smiles and nuzzles the place where his bite mark is.

"Omega."

The raven-haired exhales, relieved, and lowers himself back down on top of Shiro.

The day goes pretty relaxed after that and stays without any bad events. Keith does call Allura at one point to tell her about everything.

The woman absolutely loses her shit in panic and confusion, but once Keith assures her that Shiro is a harmless puppy, she relaxes.

They watch TV, make food, Keith brushes Shiro's hair and teeth. The alpha naps a lot. Holds Keith a lot. Sniffs the bite mark a lot.

It's bliss. Absolute bliss.

But Keith notices Shiro's occasional pain and suffering. He really wants to help him. Do something, anything.

On Shiro's fifth rut day, he seems less miserable and a little less delusional, too.

Keith decides that... maybe now is a good time at last.

He's watching Shiro and Kosmo basically manhandle each other in their play, snapping and growling and cuddling.

Shiro looks happy.

"Puppy," Keith smiles, and both look up at him. It's too cute.

"Not you, Kosmo, silly." The dog barks in excitement, but Shiro stops playing with him to walk over.

"Omega," he hums and Keith holds his arms out for the alpha to lift him.

"Bed, Shiro, okay?"

"Okay."

"Close the door too." He hums and the taller does as he's told before shuffling over to the bed, dropping Keith gently into the nest like something precious.

"Thank you. C'mere puppy. Please?"

_Only gonna take, just a little, just a little of your love. Promise I won't overstay._

Shiro yields.

Slowly, the alpha moves to cage Keith against the soft sheets and mattress, and Keith tries to turn off his impulse to flee.

_You can do this. It's okay._

"Okay. You wanna show me where you want..." the omega taps the band-aid of Shiro's bite mark.

Once Shiro understands, he lowers himself onto his elbow, wobbly. Keith puts a hand on his hurt shoulder to support his weight. The other holds to his alpha's neck where he bares his skin for Keith.

_Breathe._

Keith doesn't know how this works at all, but for once his body works with him.

His jaw drops to make room for his fangs and he opens his mouth to not cut his lip. In the same motion a low bone-rattling noise leaves his mouth.

Shiro purrs. At least he isn't scared of this.

"Okay," Keith mouths the word and tugs Shiro a tiny bit closer before closing his eyes, pressing an open-mouthed and nervous kiss to the man's neck.

It's so warm.

Shiro's skin is hot and he feels his pulse rushing.

His tongue finds the alpha's neck gland and Keith exhales against it.

_Here? Do I bite here? Around it?_

Keith is pretty sure that Shiro bit around his gland, too, but...

"Here." Shiro encourages.

Thank you. Keith braces himself.

Keith opens his mouth a little more so his fangs slip out and press against Shiro's skin.

_Thump thump thump._

The world stops when he forces his jaw to close and the omega's fangs cut through skin.

Immediately, Keith is met with the taste of blood.

Shiro lets go of a noise that could be pained or voice approval. Keith stays like this for a moment and lets all of his emotions wash over him at once.

Panic is the one that stays.

"Ke... Keith? What are you doing?"

He hadn't even noticed that Shiro's scent had soothed.

 _Fuck_.

A little too fast, he rips his head away and tears Shiro's skin a little.

_Oh no oh no he probably didn't want this at all he'll leave you._

Automatically, Keith starts crying while the blood from Shiro's shoulder drips on his collarbones.

"I-I'm sorry. I thought—"

Shiro climbs off the bed.

"Is the- is this a nest? On your bed?" Shiro's face is unreadable but Keith is just determined to cry harder.

"I'm sorry, Shiro. I just wanted to help and make you feel good a-and you looked better and—"

All they did was during Shiro's rut. So viewed from a certain angle...

There was no consent.

The guilt drops heavily in Keith's body.

"You're bleeding. I need to clean—" Shiro touches the wound and whines.

"Where's my arm? Keith, what—"

Keith's motor functions kick back in and he gets to his feet in despair.

"Your rut. You were just so- and I couldn't help it. I let you bite me so your- you wouldn't hurt anymore. And I thought you wanted this so I bit you to but apparently—"

Keith's voice breaks.

"You don't."

The omega hugs himself and then the pain he's basically forgotten settles back in his body. He feels sweaty and wrong. The bite hurts.

"I'm sorry, Shiro. I'm so sorry. I never meant to—" His words never come.

Keith falls to his knees this time, no arm catching him.

"Keith," Shiro says.

_I don't deserve this, don't deserve you, don't deserve my alpha-_

An arm curls around Keith's body and lifts the omega into Shiro's lap.

"No! I'm- I hurt you and I don't deserve this!" He protests between hiccups and sobs.

"Keith, no."

"You don't—" Keith squirms, fights, but when a hand holds onto his cheek he stills.

"Keith, I know this is bad timing but... would you please clean my bite mark? It hurts a little?"

And what else would the omega do but obey? He shuffles around, noses Shiro's neck.

Lets his tongue swipe over still-fresh blood while his tears still fall.

Shiro rocks him gently, hand on Keith's back.

"I'm so sorry, Keith, I didn’t mean to come off like that. I just felt very disoriented and scared because of the pain and my arm. But I understand now. I'm- God I'm sorry for scaring you."

Keith sniffles into the alpha's neck and in return gets squeezed gently.

"I want this. And you. I- Fuck is this my mark on you?" Keith nods weakly and pulls back. "Yeah. You made it.''

Shiro beams. It's contagious.

"Can I see?" He asks and Keith nods.

The alpha gently tears the band-aid off to reveal the healing wound and then-

Shiro starts crying, burying his face at Keith’s neck.

"You actually let me do it. Oh Keith, you—" he mumbles and Keith smiles.

"You were hurt, and... I wanted it anyways."

"Thank you," Shiro says, voice muffled by Keith's body.

"So, you're not mad?" Keith needs to make sure. He needs to know.

"No, God no. Just confused. I'm so sorry, darling."

The pet name sets Keith on fire and he too hides his face against the alpha's body. "O-okay."

"I'm sorry," Shiro says again and finally, Keith laughs.

"It's fine, you don't need to apologise anymore. I'm okay, you're okay."

"Then... I love you," the alpha says, and despite the muffled sound, Keith hears it crystal clear.

_Your alpha loves you, Keith._

He tears up again, but so does Shiro, so they both cling to each other and cry together.

They both have their baggage. Emotional and physical. But this kind of validation right now?

They need it. So they let themselves cry.

"I-I love you, too, Shiro." And the alpha nods, sniffling.

When they both sit in the bathroom so Keith can properly clean and bind Shiro's wound— which he apologizes for, because it's a little torn and not perfectly punctured, as if Shiro cared— the omega tries to explain to Shiro as best as he can what happened during his rut.

And boy, is the alpha both sweating and blushing.

Once Keith finishes, there's silence and the raven-haired spares him that time, standing in front of where Shiro sits on the tub to hug his head to his body.

"S-so I didn't try to like... you know..." Shiro asks nervously.

"A few times I was convinced you would. But you never did. You always kept distance and... asked for things. I just felt bad because you looked like you were in serious pain," Keith explains and scratches the backside of Shiro's scalp.

The alpha relaxes into the touch.

"I'm really glad. God, I don't know what I'd do to myself if I found out I- you know."

The omega nods. "But you didn't."

_And now you're bonded. Step one cleared. Step two..._

"There's no need to ever do it, Keith, if you don't want it."

"I want it." It comes out a little forced and too fast, so Keith blushes and hides his face behind a hand.

"I just mean... I really want it. I'm just scared."

_Scared of pain. Or consequences. Afraid of being inadequate._

"Hey." The alpha gets to his feet, making Keith step back to make room before Shiro hugs the smaller man to his chest.

"I am no expert, and I'm not that experienced, but I know I at least made you feel good before."

Keith burns.

"I think... I think it'll be great."

The omega nods.

"I think it wouldn't be scary. And that you have full control. If you say stop, I stop. But Keith, you don't need to right now, really. You've come really far. Look at you! Bond marks. God, we're bonded. Think about it."

Keith chuckles. "I know. Crazy."

"Maybe it doesn't have to be crazy. Maybe it's just... okay." Shiro hums and Keith considers it.

Truth be told, it feels like magic. It's not _I'm touching an alpha,_ not anymore.

It's _I'm touching Shiro. I like it. I want to kiss him. I love him. My alpha._

"I think I'm love-drunk."

It's Shiro's turn to laugh. "Well, me too."

Keith hums and then lets go of Shiro to eye him. "I know you're out of rut but... do you want to stay some more?"

The alpha bites his tongue.

"No," Shiro says. Keith inhales sharply, but waits. "I need fresh clothes. And my plants need water. Plus, I need to see if anyone called. But if you like, you and Kosmo can come with me. Pack clothes and we're off immediately."

He doesn't need to hear it twice. Shiro helps him take the suitcase from his wardrobe.

* * *

Shiro definitely lives wealthier than Keith. A two-story building with a garden says as much. It's impressive. Keith likes it.

"Woah. Everything is so big in here."

Shiro chuckles and watches Keith roam the house like a newly-adopted pet, getting used to the alpha scent.

"You wanna see the fridge?" Shiro laughs and the raven-haired follows into the kitchen.

"Massive," Keith comments and chuckles. "Put me on the counter."

Shiro looks stunned but grins. "I don't allow butts on my counter."

He lifts Keith anyways and stands between his legs, scanning the smaller man's face.

"Okay?"

Keith nods and puts his arms around Shiro while the alpha does the same. Again, the metal isn't cold. It's welcome.

The kiss feels endless. Like home.

Keith is home. _Shiro is my home. My alpha._

The bite throbs and it feels wonderful.

Shiro's tongue asks for permission, so naturally Keith opens his mouth to let him in.

It's different from Shiro on rut. It carries more meaning. And feels determined.

When hands move to Keith's hips, the raven-haired moans but doesn't stop Shiro.

The alpha sighs, too. "Okay?"

He nods a thousand yeses and then Shiro kisses down his neck to the fresh mark, kissing that too.

"I don't want to push you. You can say no right now or later, still."

Keith hums. "I know. I trust you." So the alpha inhales deeply.

"Can I take your shirt off?"

It's so intimate and before he realizes he’s moving, Keith nods. "Please."

Shiro gently shoves the black material up and then tugs it off Keith's shoulders, biting his lower lip.

"You're beautiful."

"You're biased, Shiro."

"Maybe I am. Do you want me to take mine off too?"

Keith nods shyly.

Shiro's scent is so much stronger in his house. And Keith feels a million times hotter when the alpha's shirt is off.

He's seen it before, but right now he definitely appreciates it more.

"Can I touch you?" Shiro asks and Keith smiles.

Shiro's hand on his skin feels so warm and so good, it's really weird. But Keith wants it. Desires all of Shiro.

Maybe he hadn't been ready simply because of the rut. It's a scary image to be knotted.

And then of course, Shiro would obviously not have remembered it at all.

Maybe it’s better this way.

Because now Keith wants his alpha. Right now, like this, however Shiro will have him.

One touch turns into two, thumb rubbing over Keith's sensitive nipples, then two hands at his thighs to lift Keith.

With a gasp, the omega wraps arms and legs around his alpha and nuzzles his mark.

"Shiro," he smiles.

"Keith. May I carry you to bed?"

"Please."

Shiro's bedroom is the place where his scent is the strongest, and while perhaps in the past it would threaten or scare Keith, he bathes himself in it now.

Very gently, the alpha lays him on white sheets and glances over his half-naked body.

"You're gorgeous," Shiro murmurs.

"And you're too far away, Shiro," Keith pouts and tugs the man closer so that he falls on his elbows over Keith's body.

"Better?" Shiro grins.

"Much better."

Things go naturally then. The two shuffle into the bed's pillows and kiss slowly, hands exploring over skin.

Shiro nuzzles Keith's neck glands, the ones on the inside of his elbow, the ones at his wrists, and Keith does the same.

It clicks. "Are we..." Keith starts and blushes.

"Scenting? I think so, yeah," Shiro smiles and continues lower over Keith's stomach down to his sweatpants.

"Is this okay?" the alpha asks and Keith feels goosebumps all over.

"Can you kiss me again?" Shiro crawls back over him and presses gently to the smaller man's mouth.

When they break, Keith nods, and turns his head away when his sweats are carefully tugged off.

"You're so beautiful, Keith. So gorgeous. I- wow." Shiro gently runs his hand up Keith's left thigh and swallows.

"Hush, you're just as pretty and handsome."

Shiro loses his pants too after a while. They go back to making out and scenting, but eventually Keith feels- something against his leg.

Holy shit.

"I'm sorry, it's really just... I'm very into you and—"

Keith snickers. "It's okay." It really is okay, so the alpha relaxes.

"Can we get under the sheets please?" the smaller pleads, hips twitching once.

Twice.

It's the same feeling like when Shiro offered to talk him through it. It's welcome and safe.

Keith trills softly once they’re covered by a blanket and shows his fangs.

"Is that for me?" Shiro asks and pecks the corners of the omega's mouth. "Thank you."

Keith looks shy at the praise but nods.

Then he lets his hands wander South on Shiro's back.

_My alpha. He's s close. We'll make love. We'll mate._

It's not so scary anymore, with Shiro here. He tugs at the alpha's boxers.

"Off?" Keith nods, and then Shiro kicks off the last piece of clothing that parts him from being skin to skin with his omega. With Keith.

"Mine too," Keith asks and the taller nuzzles his neck when he slips Keith's pair off.

Shiro suppresses a moan.

Wondering at what it might be, Keith is hit with the ripe scent of Shiro's sex.

Unlike Shiro, the omega does moan.

It smells really good. Not scary at all.

"Can I- Do you want me to touch?"

Keith nods weakly and spreads his legs.

"Fuck Keith. I- wow."

The sensation of Shiro's huge hand cupping Keith's mound is explosive. And so gentle. Controlled.

Weak as he is, Keith trills for his alpha again and immediately receives the kiss he wanted while Shiro is busy parting his labia, rubbing circles over his omega cock.

Oh god.

Alpha, please.

"Do you- I mean, you know, uh..."

Keith blinks up at the other and Shiro looks adorably lost. "Tell me?"

"Can I insert a um..." the alpha looks at Keith's stomach, ashamed. "Please? And tell me how t-to, um—"

Now it's Shiro's turn to help out.

"How to touch me?"

The older nods.

They guide each other with words, explain how and what, how much, how fast.

Both their scents mix and drip and make the air heavy with their mating. Keith loves it. He feels safe here, so safe and so good.

At a point with two fingers inside rubbing against his sweet spot, Keith really doesn't find a single reason to stop. Not anymore.

"Shiro, I want to."

"Huh?"

Keith stops his thrusting motion.

"I want it. I'm not scared, nor am I forcing myself. I honestly want it. Because of us. Because I love you."

"Wait, Keith, I literally told you earlier that we don't need to rush anything. This here is already twenty times more than I'd ever ask."

The omega rubs a thumb over Shiro's cockhead and hums.

"Our bites are fresh,” Shiro protests. “I don't—"

Keith hums. "Shiro if you don't want to—"

"No, no I want it." The alpha nods fiercely and nuzzles close with a yip. "I want you, Keith. My omega. I love you. I want you."

The alpha produces a condom from somewhere around and they roll it on him together, sharing every tender second of all this.

Then their most vulnerable moment follows. It's not just sex, like what the alphas in college demanded from Keith that he had to deny.

This is his deflowering with his chosen and bonded partner.

With Shiro.

And the alpha seems just as nervous.

"You really want me as your mate?" Shiro asks, biting his lip.

Keith frowns. "What?"

"I mean... with my arm and the scars? You don't know anything about it but you don't ask, I visited you during rut and I'm younger and—"

"Shiro," Keith grins.

"Yeah?"

"I love all of you like you are. I don't need to see past things to love you. There's no

there's only

So if you want to mate with me... please?"

Shiro swallows a ton of emotions when he nods and aligns himself with Keith's anxious body.

"Together?" the omega asks and his partner nods.

"Together."

The breach isn't completely painless. It's also a little overwhelming, Keith both trills and sobs a little.

But it's there and it's good.

_Holy shit. Holy. Shit. I'm doing it. We are. Shiro. My alpha._

Shiro doesn't look any less emotional, in fact the alpha is tearing up, too.

"Wow. I'm really... we are..." Shiro sniffles and Keith nods. "We are. We are, Shiro."

"Can I move? Does it hurt?"

The omega lifts his hips in response so Shiro starts a slow pace.

They moan for each other. Into each other's mouths. It feels good. It is good. Things are finally good.

"I love you, Keith." The alpha cries.

"I love you too, Takashi."

All his life he wished to finally be free.

When he cums simultaneously with his mate, Keith is free.


End file.
